IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Nowadays, numerous
people
 including young
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 aware and familiar related to financial management.
This
 trend
force
Change the verb form
forces
show examples
people
 to spend their
money
 in a wise amount
as well as
 to save
money
 for their
future
 lives. I concur with
this
 trend since
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 the skills of self-control and
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
show examples
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
 their
future
.
To begin
, saving
money
 through financial management
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the skill of self-control, especially related to
fulfill
Replace the word
fulfilling
show examples
 the lifestyle. The sense of control will restrain them
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 spending the
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
an unnecessary items
Correct the article-noun agreement
unnecessary items
an unnecessary item
show examples
.
For instance
, many young
people
 nowadays tend to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their luxurious lifestyle.
This
 problem could be solved as long they have a mindset to better
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 they will have a lack of finance management.
Furthermore
,
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation all over the world, it is pivotal to have a saving to prepare
our
Change preposition
for our
show examples
future
 lives. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no guarantee that in the
future
 we can still have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 privilege
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 living the lifestyle
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 today. It is one of the wise
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 to save some of our allowance regularly, since the values will
be rise
Change the verb form
rise
show examples
 over the years.
This
 will help young
people
 either for furthering their education or preparing
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
To sum up
, I strongly agree that it is important for individuals, including young
people
, to practice
to manage
Change the verb form
managing
show examples
 their
money
 including through saving.
This
 will prepare them to face the real world with all the economic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the
future
.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving coherence by using linking words and phrases to make transitions clearer.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more effectively.
Task Achievement
Ensure each main point is thoroughly developed with supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader.
Task Achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic, and this is expressed throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay logically discusses the importance of saving for the future and gives relevant points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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