IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that adverts control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #adverts #control #purchase #sources #information #products
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The existence of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 for some
people
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
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to control the purchases of customers,
whereas
 others believe it will be beneficial since it contains sources of
information
 on
products
.
This
 essay will elucidate both sides and
at the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I will give my personal standing. It cannot be denied that
ads
does
Change the verb form
do
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 influence the purchases of customers.
This
 might
be cause
Change the verb form
be caused
show examples
 by the exposure of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interisting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 and attractive
ads
 that can be seen in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For instance
, the trend of buying
fast-fashion
Correct your spelling
fast fashion
show examples
 nowadays
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 of
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 advertisement.
Numerours
Correct your spelling
Numerous
people
 often buy the
products
 straight after looking
Change preposition
at it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in the
ads
,
altough
Correct your spelling
although
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end the
products
 they bought
consider
Wrong verb form
are considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unnecessary items.
This
 shows how impactful adverts
to
Add a missing verb
are to
show examples
 control the purchase of the consumers. Meanwhile, not a few
people
 argue that adverts are useful sources
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
information
 related to the
products
.
This
 view
also
starting
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 with
a strong reasons
Correct the article-noun agreement
strong reasons
a strong reason
show examples
 as adverts indeed contain
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
useful
information
 that can help the consumers to understand the
products
.
For example
, the
ads
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 shampoo;
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could help
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
understand what
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
 that
contain
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 in the shampoo
as well as
 how to use the
products
 properly.
This
given
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 the complete
information
 that can help the
people
 to understand the
products
. Based on the explanation, I firmly believe that
ads
 do control how consumers purchase the
products
.
However
,
ads
 hold a pivotal moment since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will likely help
people
 to know the
products
 well at the same time.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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task achievement
Although your essay presents both sides of the argument, make sure each side is equally developed and supported with more specific examples to achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a more varied range of cohesive devices and connectors to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the structure of your essay and each paragraph contributes clearly to the task.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided a personal opinion, which is essential for achieving a full task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your argument logically.
task achievement
You have used examples to support your points, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasive techniques
  • celebrity endorsements
  • catchy slogans
  • emotional appeals
  • materialistic culture
  • competitive pricing
  • consumer demand
  • brand loyalty
  • consumer behavior
  • innovations
  • informed choices
  • misleading claims
What to do next:
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