Mmany people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages.
There is no denying the fact that it is essential to protect your personal
information
. While
it is a commonly held belief that in ecxchange
for access to Correct your spelling
exchange
software
your personal Add a comma
software,
data
will be shared with the technology companies
, there is also
an argument that opposes it.
In my opinion, I'm convinced that sharing personal data
with technology companies
is consider
a Change the form of the verb
considered
hazard
act and should be banned by governments.
Replace the word
hazardous
To begin
with, sharing your information
may lead to a security breach to
your personal life by these Change preposition
in
companies
. In addition
, these companies
have technology clouds to preserve your data
and they protect these clouds from malicious attacks and viruses. But the real question what
if they failed in that Add a missing verb
is what
mession
? your personal Correct your spelling
mission
session
information
will be expouse
and you will be in danger.
Correct your spelling
exposed
expose
On the other hand
, sharing your personal data
with these companies
will let you access to
their various applications which will Change preposition
apply
assest
you to Correct your spelling
assist
acomplish
your task or Correct your spelling
accomplish
communicate
with the world. It is Wrong verb form
communicating
also
possible to say that, if these
personal Change the determiner
this
information
is accessible to these companies
that may save your life. For instance
, if you had
a severe Wrong verb form
have
insident
your personal Correct your spelling
incident
inside
information
and your location will be shared immediately to
the nearest emergency Change preposition
with
faclitiy
in order to help you.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to Correct your spelling
facility
this
question. On balance, however
, despite people having different points of view, I tend to believe that shring
personal Correct your spelling
sharing
data
must be regulated by governments in order to protect people from cyber-attack
.Fix the agreement mistake
cyber-attacks
Submitted by omima7a7md on
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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how the advantages of sharing data specifically outweigh the disadvantages, or vice versa. This would provide a more balanced argument as required by the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Work on strengthening the logical links between your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph connects seamlessly with the next for improved flow.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your points. This will help in clearly illustrating your arguments and making your response more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by being more concise. Some sentences tend to be lengthy and slightly confusing.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear context of the topic and sets out your stance effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You have clearly provided a conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay recognizes both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.