In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

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It is often argued in some countries
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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are told that they can get anything if they are struggling enough,
Although
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this
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might be prevalent convection among some people .In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
merits and demerits
Firstly
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one the main
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
is the children are
being
Verb problem
apply
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serious about their
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
,they will work
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
to
obtain
Verb problem
achieve
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their aims .
For instance
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, some solid understanding
youth
Change preposition
of youth
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perform effectively to earn the things that they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dreamed about
thst
Correct your spelling
that
this
.
For example
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,
th
Correct your spelling
the
youth burn the midnight oil to achieve the marks that
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
for for the occupation they interest to have
it
Correct your spelling
in
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. Being
interesting
Replace the word
interested
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,
search
Wrong verb form
searching
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about
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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goals ,
runs
Verb problem
making
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the
Correct article usage
an
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effort ,
Correct word choice
and
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attempting to the reach
in
Change preposition
apply
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top, I believe
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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all
Correct determiner usage
these
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things will make the difficulties possible.
On the other hand
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, the disadvantages given to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
valuable purpose
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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lead kids to
lost
Change the form of the verb
lose
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their precious
time
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which is
considering
Wrong verb form
considered
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as
Correct your spelling
an
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enjoyable period in their whole life , and that
time
Use synonyms
will never return again so they probably will regret
when
Correct pronoun usage
it when
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the
time
Use synonyms
is passed , that may getting them
feel
Add the particle
to feel
show examples
sorrow in the most
time
Use synonyms
. For instance, most businessmen
said
Wrong verb form
say
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if they were
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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they
will
Wrong verb form
would
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not do hard work , maybe their life
is
Wrong verb form
would be
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comfortable but they are not elated at the same
time
Use synonyms
because they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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more
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working rather than
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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some happy moments, In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
I believe that
although
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hard work is very crucial for children
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whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at the same
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
people must have a fun
time
Use synonyms
from
time
Use synonyms
to
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by junaidkaleem on

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Task Achievement
Strengthen your argument by using specific and relevant examples to support your claims. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Develop clearer, more comprehensive ideas. While you cover both advantages and disadvantages, ensuring depth and clarity will enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more transitional phrases and clearer paragraph structure. This will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure by organizing your points more clearly. This will help in creating a seamless flow from one idea to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the theme and summarizing your thoughts effectively.
Task Achievement
You successfully address both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Goal-setting
  • Work ethic
  • Ambitious
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Frustration
  • Inadequate
  • Overemphasis
  • Stress
  • Pressure
  • Mental health
  • Resource availability
What to do next:
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