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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart illustrates the proportion of residents possessing computer from 2002 to 2010. The second bar chart compares the percentage of people who owned computer by level of their education between 2002 and 2010.

The first chart illustrates the proportion of residents possessing computer from 2002 to 2010. The second bar chart compares the percentage of people who owned computer by level of their education between 2002 and 2010.
#first #proportion #residents #computer #second #bar #percentage #people #level #education
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The first graph gives information about how many individuals had their own computers between 2002 and 2010, and the second one describes a distribution as an education level in two certain
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the proportion of people who
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
computers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing, and if the education level were higher, the computers
were
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 more used and all parts of them in 2002 were smaller than that of ones in 2010.
To begin
 with,
according to
 the first chart, the percentage of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 possessed by people began at under 60% in 2002. During the given period,
this
 figure gradually increased from about 60% to 70%.
At the end
 of the written time, it reached its peak at approximately 75%, including the largest one. Regarding the remaining information, the figure for no high school in 2002 started at roughly 15%
while
 the data in 2010 stood at over 40%, which was greater
with
Change preposition
than
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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double compared to
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
.
This
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between both of them in all educational
institiutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 showed to
20
Add a missing verb
be 20
show examples
% but it became slowly smaller. To be specific, the
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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 the proportions of PHD
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 are the fewest, including at nearly 70% in 2002 and at around 90% in 2010.
Submitted by Rndlrdl on

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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