Some people believe that in order to reduce the rising obesity among children the school administration should make it necessary for every child to participate in sports and other outdoor activities. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #obesity #children #school #administration #child #sports #activities

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There is

ongoing

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an ongoing

the ongoing

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discourse about whether it is essential for every child to participate in

sports

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and other outdoor activities to reduce rising

obesity

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rates. Some people argue that encouraging outdoor activities effectively decreases the percentage of

obesity

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among

children

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However

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, I firmly believe that it is not necessary for every child to engage in

sports

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solely for the purpose of preventing

obesity

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. First of all, changing daily meals is more effective in reducing

obesity

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than participating in

sports

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. The primary reason

children

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become obese is not insufficient physical activity but poor dietary habits.

According to

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a recent report by the American Science Institution, individuals are more likely to lose weight when they change their diet compared to those who do not adjust their meals but increase their physical activity.

This

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implies that cultivating healthy eating habits provides

children

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with better opportunities to prevent

obesity

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Furthermore

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, learning how to enhance the quality of life is advantageous for

children

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in reducing

obesity

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. In terms of the causes of

obesity

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, it is more important to address stress levels.

According to

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neuroanatomy research, the stress hormone cortisol is one of the primary contributors to

obesity

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This

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means that generating happiness hormones,

such

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as adrenaline, is key to preventing

obesity

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Therefore

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, parents should seek activities aligned with their

children

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’s preferences or hobbies,

such

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as drawing or singing, to enhance their quality of life and reduce stress. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is not necessary for every child to engage in

sports

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solely to prevent

obesity

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Submitted by neveah.image on Wed Dec 18 2024

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task achievement

To enhance task achievement, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Aim to strengthen the logical flow by making clearer transitions between ideas or paragraphs. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.

introduction conclusion present

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your essay introduces insightful ideas about healthier dietary habits and managing stress which provides depth to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Some people believe that in order to reduce the rising obesity among children the school administration should make it necessary for every child to participate in sports and other outdoor activities. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

art classes, such as paintings and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have alot of influence. What is your opinion?

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages.