Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, there is no denying the fact that a vast number of
children
have been using their
smartphones
for a long
time
.
While
it is common to use
smartphones
, it is one of the life demands. Using
smartphones
is an essential topic to discuss and analyze.
Thus
, before presenting my perspective,
this
essay aims to discuss both sides of the argument, the positives and negatives of using
smartphones
. On one hand, there are many distinctive benefits of
children
's use of
smartphones
. One of them is that most of the
children
would gain many skills from using
smartphones
regarding the learning videos that they were watching on their
smartphones
.
In other words
, they can improve their learning skills through a variety of platforms that they can find on mobile phones.
Additionally
, parents could discover the abilities, interests, and talents of their
children
while
they were using
smartphones
.
For example
, my sister discovered that her son has good skills in photography and editing as well
while
he is using his mobile phone.
On the other hand
, there are many negatives of using
smartphones
.
Firstly
, using
smartphones
for a long
time
and for long periods may affect the mental health of
children
. It is possible to say watching video games may impact
children
's behaviour by making them aggressive.
Moreover
,
children
who use
smartphones
for long periods daily have unsocialized personalities.
For instance
, research from the University of Chicago has proved that 70% of
children
using
smartphones
have isolated personalities. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
question. Using
smartphones
has brought many negatives to society; at the same
time
, it may produce many positives alike. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that it all depends on how using
smartphones
and how the parents can manage to limit the
time
of using the mobiles.
Submitted by walkuwari11 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to develop each point more fully in separate paragraphs to enhance logical structure and avoid packing too many ideas into one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each argument is explicitly linked back to the main question to clearly tie ideas together.
task achievement
In your conclusion, try to provide a more definitive stance on whether smartphones are overall positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the main themes of the essay, setting a strong foundation for the discussion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the story about your sister's son discovering photography skills.
task achievement
The essay discusses both positive and negative aspects, showing a balanced view of smartphone use among children.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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