Some people think governments should care more about elderly while others think they should focus on investing in education for younger students. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A group of
people
believe that governments
should prioritize more money
on education
. While
,
others think that they should Remove the comma
apply
care
a whole about older citizens. In this
essay, I will argue about both perspectives, why people
care
about older citizens as well as
why many people
consider that a sum amount of money
should be invested on
the Change preposition
in
education
system.
To begin
with, many individuals assume that the government should invest in college
or universities. Because they think that it will improve our Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
education
system and will provide a vast amount of qualified workforce. For instance
, a
country named America, their Change preposition
in a
governments
allocate lots of money
and deliver a variety of scholarships to many poor students those
who can't afford a university's tuition fees. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Hence
, students can continue their education
thereafter
, they will join a work after graduation which will bring a balance to the workforce.
On the other hand
, many people
considers
that the government should provide much more Change the verb form
consider
care
to elder individuals,
because older Remove the comma
apply
people
are weak in physical strength and even many elder people
can not walk, they need someone else’s help walk
or buy goods from markets. Fix the infinitive
to walk
For example
, many
older Change preposition
for many
people
those
who live in China, the government facilitate by providing funding and nurses. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, older people
don't struggle to go to the shopping mall or walk around the park, they always gets
help from maids.
In conclusion, it is always great to think about and Change the verb form
get
care
about elder individuals and governments
should be more humble to them. However
, governments
should also
distribute a good amount of money
to students those
cannot afford a college which will serve a nation with a balance of workforce.Correct pronoun usage
who
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task achievement
Try to further elaborate on your discussion of both views to ensure a more complete response. Delving deeper into each viewpoint would strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using cohesive devices like 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'on the other hand' can enhance structure.
task achievement
Provide more relevant, specific examples to support your points. The essay could benefit from varied examples beyond those provided.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively presents your arguments.
task achievement
You provided examples to illustrate your points, aiding in the reader's understanding.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints as required by the prompt, which is commendable for task achievement.