IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Trung

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #trung
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In the contemporary era, prisoner
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 are increasing significantly across the globe and all countries are trying to deal with
this
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 pressing issue.
While
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 a section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 that
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences for a longer duration can help reduce
the
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apply
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crime
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 there are other better ways to solve
this
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. There are many reasons why some people believe that offenders should be punished with long
prison
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 sentences because
this
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 phenomenon can invoke fear among other criminals. In other
works
Correct your spelling
words
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, if an individual is already aware of the intensity of punishment before committing any
crime
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, it will deter one from becoming a criminal.
For example
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Thailand, the rapist and the murderer usually get lifetime
prison
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 sentences, resulting in making people think twice before committing any serious
crime
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.
As a result
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,
crime
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 tends to decrease
due to
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 fear of being arrested.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that there are better ways to reduce
law – breaker
Correct your spelling
law–breakers
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such
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 as providing proper
education
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 facilities, community services and employment. Sufficient
education
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 and job opportunities keep the masses busy and stay away from illegal activities. To exemplify, in Sweden
education
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 is free for everybody and the government actively creates many occupation opportunities.
That is
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 the reason why Sweden tops the list of peaceful countries where the
crime
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 rate is almost ignorable.
To conclude
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, longer
prison
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 terms certainly instil fear in the minds of potential criminals and discourage them from committing offences.
However
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, eradicating the root cause of
crime
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 by providing
education
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 and employment opportunities is a far better option.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Your essay clearly compares two views on crime reduction strategies and presents your opinion. However, try to include more elaboration on your opinion and further develop your reasoning and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a consistent and clear logical structure by using more cohesive devices and transition words, especially when moving from one paragraph to another.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, with the main points effectively outlined from the start.
relevant specific examples
Good use of specific examples, like mentioning Thailand and Sweden, to illustrate your points in the essay.
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