The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

#information #predictions #change #percentage #population #three #countries

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The table below

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

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to people rate of 65 years old and over,

moreover

Linking Words

Add a comma

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is include

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includes

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guess

Correct article usage

a guess

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of the future

rates

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of these people in three countries (

Canada

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Germany

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Overall

Linking Words

, the biggest

rates

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are always in

Germany

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On the other hand

Linking Words

, the lowest numbers are in

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Correct article usage

the UK

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. İn addition,

Canada

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is in the middle of the

chart

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each

Change preposition

apply

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years

Fix the agreement mistake

year

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. Numbers start around 14.23 - 20.45

percentages

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per cent

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, Rather than the lowest numbers are each

countries

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country

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in 1988. The highest

rates

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are in 2030.

Firstly

Linking Words

Germany

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

the top of the

chart

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because it has 20.45

percentages

Replace the word

per cent

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of elder

persons

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people

show examples

. İn

contrary

Correct article usage

the contrary

show examples

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the Uk

show examples

Correct your spelling

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has 14.23

percentage

Correct your spelling

per cent of

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old people on the

chart

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also

Linking Words

Germany

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Change preposition

show examples

the middle of the

chart

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. İn

addition

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addition,

show examples

Linking Words

this

Change the determiner

these

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rates

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are

steadly

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steadily

steady

keep

move

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moving

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until 2030.

Canada

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get

Wrong verb form

got

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close to

Germany

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in 2000 but

Use synonyms

rates

Use synonyms

are similar to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

1988's

rates

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Finally

Linking Words

, all

rates

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have The

higgest

Correct your spelling

highest

biggest

position in 2030.

Germany

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has 30.42

percentage

Replace the word

per cent

show examples

moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

rate is the biggest rate on the

chart

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. On the other side,

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the Uk

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

has

20.35

Correct article usage

a 20.35

show examples

percentage

Replace the word

per cent

show examples

on the

chart

Use synonyms

below.

Canada

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

the middle of the

chart

Use synonyms

again.

Submitted by türkoğluahmetonur on Thu Dec 12 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words rates, canada, germany, uk, chart with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 7 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

192 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

percentage change
population
aged 65 and above
information
table
data
trends
patterns
comparison
predicted
future
findings
comment

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The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people argue that mass media only bring negative effect to society and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Air transport is increasingly used to export fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages??