IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, museums charge people for admission, while in some other countries, people are admitted into museums free of charge. Do you think the advantages of charging admission outweigh its disadvantages?

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Some countries charge visitors for admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 other countries do not charge. I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
museums
Use synonyms
 suffer from
finanacial
Correct your spelling
financial
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 if they are free, the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh the drawbacks because free admission to
museums
Use synonyms
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 from all economic backgrounds to
visit
Use synonyms
 free of
cost
Use synonyms
.
Museums
Use synonyms
 will suffer from
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 crisis if they provide visitor admission free of
cost
Use synonyms
. The budget of a
museum
Use synonyms
 comes from the government fund and visitor
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. If
museums
Use synonyms
 become free,
visitor
Add an article
the visitor
a visitor
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 will not pay money for their
visit
Use synonyms
, and
museums
Use synonyms
 will suffer from
financial
Add an article
the financial
a financial
show examples
 crisis.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
museum
Use synonyms
 authority will face financial problems
while
Linking Words
 continuing the
museum
Use synonyms
, maintaining it and giving salaries to its staff.
For example
Linking Words
, all
museums
Use synonyms
 in Bangladesh are free for the general public, and
therefore
Linking Words
, it is a huge financial burden for the
museum
Use synonyms
 authority to bear
this
Linking Words
 huge amount of maintenance
cost
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 should be free because they allow
people
Use synonyms
 to
visit
Use synonyms
 who have poor income.
However
Linking Words
, if
museums
Use synonyms
 are free, it allows
people
Use synonyms
 to
visit
Use synonyms
museums
Use synonyms
 free of
cost
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.
Museums
Use synonyms
 possess a vast number of
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
, geography, society, cultures and lifestyles of the country and other countries. It is the right of the students and general
people
Use synonyms
 from all socioeconomic backgrounds to know about their country and the whole world.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
museums
Use synonyms
 should give
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opportunity to
people
Use synonyms
 to
visit
Use synonyms
 free of
cost
Use synonyms
 and
gain
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and experience of these.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, the government allows
people
Use synonyms
 to
visit
Use synonyms
museums
Use synonyms
 free of
cost
Use synonyms
, and
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from all classes can
visit
Use synonyms
 them and
gain
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about the culture, history, war and
people
Use synonyms
 of that country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 should be free for
people
Use synonyms
 because they can
visit
Use synonyms
 them free of
cost
Use synonyms
 and
gain
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
museums
Use synonyms
 suffer from financial difficulties when they are free, the general public can easily
visit
Use synonyms
museums
Use synonyms
 free of
cost
Use synonyms
 and
gain
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
.

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language
Ensure consistent spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and fluency.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to better support your points and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more explicit linking words and cohesive devices between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with examples, offering a fair explanation of each position.
complete response
The task response is complete, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of both options with a balanced view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • admission fees
  • revenue generation
  • maintenance and preservation
  • artifacts
  • exhibits
  • educational programs
  • sustainability
  • crowd management
  • visitor experience
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • accessibility
  • financial constraints
  • dissemination of knowledge
  • cultural education
  • barrier
  • exclusive
  • elitist
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