IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#children #books #time #technology #people #trend
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Nowadays, the pace of technology is unstoppable as the world is witnessing a constant development of technological advances every month.
However
, a reasonable part of society states that
this
 evolution is damaging the focus ability of our younger generations, as they are spending more time using modern devices, than reading books. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I explain some arguments to support the usage of technology as an instrument to acquire valuable knowledge, similar to reading a physical book.
Moreover
, I will develop each side of the stated notion. Typically, reading a book is a traditional way of learning as mostly it is a preferred tool for older ones. The truth is that
this
 source of information
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 us out of distractions,
such
 as phone notifications, social media sites, and many leisure apps. It results in a focused study,
although
 you may need a tower of books to finish your assignment, as well,
spend
Correct word choice
as spend
show examples
 many hours and effort.  In comparison, cutting-edge devices
such
 as smartphones, computers, tablets, and many other facilitators are
labor-saving
Change the spelling
labour-saving
show examples
 when you are able to find plenty of data on the internet to do the most difficult tasks. In most cases, users are saving time to,
consequently
, be more productive
while
 working smarter, not harder.
Instead
 of that fact, there is a drawback to
this
 point of view. The constant temptations by many distractors, I have described before, have the power enough to
maintain
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 us in front of a screen for hours and hours, wasting
presious
Correct your spelling
precious
 time. I totally agree with the second stated idea, and I personally believe that modern instruments are a double-edged sword, as you can use them to strengthen your weaknesses
understantings
Correct your spelling
understandings
understanding
 or do opposite actions,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 watch constantly short videos on Facebook. One of my experiences is that I can read and find more books in my preferred virtual store than in a physical library. Actually, I have been using
this
 study method for many years which is more efficient for me than the traditional one. To wrap up, I have explained the two sides of thinking, plus my point of view. The importance of
this
 problem is that every tech-savvy needs to be aware of the power technology could have over us if we are not responsible for the way we use it.
Submitted by oscarsanmo on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly when discussing the advantages and disadvantages of technology versus book reading.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a slightly more consistent level of sophistication in vocabulary and grammar to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and wraps up with a strong conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow is generally good, transitioning well between ideas and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactivity
  • multimedia resources
  • educational apps
  • global connectivity
  • imagination
  • critical thinking
  • attention span
  • concentration
  • vocabulary depth
  • literary knowledge
  • cultural awareness
  • digital literacy
  • conventional reading
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