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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#children #books #time #technology #people #trend
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In
this
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 day and age, A majority of children
decrease
Verb problem
spend
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 time
to read
Change the verb form
reading
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 books
and
Correct word choice
apply
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rather than
using
Verb problem
spending
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 time on modern
technology
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.
Meanwhile
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Meanwhile,
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 a number of individuals believe
this
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 is a beneficial
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aspects
Change the noun form
aspect
show examples
, others argue that
this
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 is a detrimental
Use synonyms
aspects
Change the noun form
aspect
show examples
. From my personal perspective, I agree to a certain extent with the given statement;
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 there are some issues to be considered. Both sides will be examined in the
follwoing
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following
 paragraphs. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are a variety of advantages associated with using
technology
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. The primary and most crucial is that it results in the development of
essentail
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essential
 skills that they need in future careers;
moreover
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, people who
had
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have
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ability
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the ability
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 to
use
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technology
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 have more opportunities. Youngsters,
for instance
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,
use
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ChatGPT
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the ChatGPT
show examples
 application to help them answer their questions. Another positive reason is that juniors occasionally
use
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technology
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 to support their education. To clarify, modern technologies
such
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 as AI can generate
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of education. It leads to achieving excellence and enhancing knowledge.
On the contrary
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,
although
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 there are some benefits of having
ability
Change the article
the ability
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 to
use
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 modern
technology
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, several drawbacks should be well considered. The initial and most obvious one is that unemployment
have
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has
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 been caused by technologies on the grounds that in the future children
has
Wrong verb form
will have
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less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances and more competitiveness.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that companies effort to
use
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 new tools
instead
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 of humans that can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to an increasing number of people who do not have a job. In
long
Correct article usage
the long
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terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
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, it may result in international issues. Limiting social interaction is the
last
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 negative factor to be taken into account.
Therefore
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, students
ocassionally
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occasionally
use
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 a lot of
teachnology
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technology
especially
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, especially
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 their
moblie
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mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
.
Nowaday
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Nowadays
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,
teachnologies
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technologies
 provide
any things
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anything
show examples
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of entertainment or education, students believe that
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can live without real-life relationships. It produces them do not try to integrate into society. In conclusion, even though there are some detrimental
aspects
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 of using
technology
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, I hold the view that
favourable
Correct article usage
the favourable
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aspects
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 outweigh them. If individuals know how to balance when
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 modern
technology
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, it is almost certain
, They
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that they
 will have more opportunities to enhance knowledge and improve skills.
Submitted by t.shetthong on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear single idea and that ideas are logically connected. Use more transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs fluidly.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your main points, focusing on relevance to the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas presented are developed fully to offer a comprehensive perspective on the topic. This includes using relevant evidence and examples.
language accuracy
Revisit grammar and sentence structure to refine clarity and eliminate minor errors.
coherence cohesion
Good use of introductory and concluding statements to frame the discussion.
task achievement
Addresses both sides of the argument satisfactorily, showcasing a balanced understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactivity
  • multimedia resources
  • educational apps
  • global connectivity
  • imagination
  • critical thinking
  • attention span
  • concentration
  • vocabulary depth
  • literary knowledge
  • cultural awareness
  • digital literacy
  • conventional reading
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