IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

International tourism has brought about enormous benefit to many places .At the same time there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and environment . do disadvantage is outweight than advantages ?

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The long-standing debate about the impacts of international
tourism
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 is a complex topic regarding its impact on the economy and environment. I do agree the social and economic benefits but
also
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 minimizing the exploitation of resources and workforce need to be carefully managed in order to create a sustainable industry. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss whether the advantages potentially outweigh the disadvantages. On one hand, international
tourism
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 brings people from different economic backgrounds together which increases the cash flow into the local circulation. The monetary flow could significantly impact the development of new infrastructures, and job opportunities and improve sales for local products of cultural value.
For example
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, infrastructures
such
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 as hotels and transportation can be developed
initially
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 to accommodate the growth through international
tourism
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. The development could help them to communicate globally and bring attention to landmarks which in turn could bring attention to developing plans and solve problems which are long-standing in the local area
such
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 as hospitals and proper housing for low-income workers.
On the other hand
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, the cultural shock induced by the sudden flow of visitors could bring conflict among people within the community. The local resources which are necessary could be exploited under the name of
tourism
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. The constructions which could potentially try to overtake lands of historic importance could lead to ethnic conflicts.
In addition
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, environmental pollution could accelerate if multiple developments were planned within a short period of time.
In addition
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, financial mismanagement by authorities could end up in corruption leading to the halting of these developments which could totally interfere with the expectation of tourists who are willing to enjoy nature in the local area. In conclusion, these developments should be properly budgeted and need to be carefully monitored in order to improve the quality of life of the locals rather than exploiting them for short-term progress which will end up in more harm than good.

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task response
Your essay provides a solid understanding of the topic, but it can benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to clearly present your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain coherence by using clear transition words between paragraphs and within them. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task response
Try to expand on your examples with more specific details to clearly illustrate your points. For instance, you mentioned infrastructural development but providing specific examples of countries or cities that experienced this might add weight to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is thoroughly explored and supported. This will help enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
conclusion
While your conclusion is succinct, try to incorporate a summary of the main points discussed to reiterate how the benefits and drawbacks have been weighed against each other.
structure
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, and you clearly touch on both the benefits and drawbacks of international tourism.
content
You provide a balanced view by recognizing both the economic and cultural/environmental impacts of tourism, which shows a deep understanding of the prompt.
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