IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #level #education #people #crime #prison #jobs
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The commonality among many
criminals
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 is that they have not
receive
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received
show examples
 higher
education
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. So some people believe that prison
education
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 which
improving
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 their employment rate is the optimal method to diminish
crime
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. I agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
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education
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 is
necessarily
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necessary
show examples
 but I don't regard looking for
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the primary purpose. The
criminals
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 need to be taught, they run in
a
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the
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 wrong way because they receive limited
education
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,
they
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and they
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 do not
knew
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know
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 what things are
prohibition
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prohibited
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. So we should improve their awareness and teach them a skill to maintain their life, it can effectively reduce their likelihood of committing a second
crime
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. Repeating
crime
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 is not a rare occurrence in the world, if we can solve
this
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 problem,
then
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 the
crime
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 rate will
significant
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significantly
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 decrease.
However
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, I don't agree that helping them to find
job
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a job
show examples
 is the most important thing. In my opinion, the first goal of prison
education
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 is to establish correct values and legal awareness, we should make them know what they can't do and the result if they violate the law again. Most
criminals
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 have jobs, even
there
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though there
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 are high-income groups. Assuming we just search a suitable work for them, when they encounter greater benefits or something more attractive
them
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to them
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, they will still take the risks.
Conversely
Linking Words
, correct values and legal awareness can help them
controlling
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control
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 themselves in these
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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. In conclusion, educating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminals
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 is the best method to reduce
crime
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the aim of
education
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 is not to help them in employment but
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 understand the law and not
violating
Wrong verb form
violate
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 morality.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the benefits of educating prisoners and questioning whether employment should be the primary focus. However, it would benefit from more specific examples or supporting evidence to fully achieve the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the next. While your ideas flow logically, enhancing your transitions will make your essay more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points with more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and illustrate your points more clearly.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced perspective, acknowledging the benefits of educating prisoners while questioning the focus on employment. This shows a mature understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that set out your argument and summarize it effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your argument maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph building on the previous one, creating a coherent flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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