The graphs below show the average retirement age for men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the average retirement age for men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart below displays the standard
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
for males and females in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries. Overview, the highest average
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
for males in 2004 was in Sweden
as well as
Linking Words
for females. In 2008 Sweden still had an elevated average for
retirement
Use synonyms
in both genders.The second highest country with an average
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
is the Netherlands. The lowest average
age
Use synonyms
for quit working was in France. In 2004 Sweden men and women workers retired at 63
years
Use synonyms
old , and in 2008 the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
increased to 64
years
Use synonyms
for both genders.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2004 Netherlands male employees retired at the
age
Use synonyms
of 62 ,and in 2008 the
age
Use synonyms
slightly grew to 63
years
Use synonyms
. The female Netherlands employees used to retire in 2004 at the
age
Use synonyms
of 61 ,
however
Linking Words
, in 2008 the
age
Use synonyms
average steadily raised to 62
years
Use synonyms
old.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, France is considered the lowest average
age
Use synonyms
for
retirement
Use synonyms
in comparison with other countries. In 2004 French men and women stopped working by the
age
Use synonyms
of 58 and by 2008 the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
continued the same for ladies, but the male increased to 59.
Submitted by nou.7748 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words retirement, age, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: