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Writing Samples
Band 7

IELTS 12 - Test 6 - At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?s

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Nowadays, the percentage of the younger population outnumbers the older in many countries.
This
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 situation has many positive and negative impacts on the nation. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 phenomenon and my opinion. To start with, young adults are at a productive age, which means they are beneficial to the country. Most of the people in
this
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 category are occupied
thus
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 generating revenues and taxes for the national income.
For instance
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, the current national income of Indonesia is rising
due to
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 the huge number of Z-generation workers. Z generation is now the biggest population and starting to enter the working stage.
On the other hand
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, the rising number of active population raises concern for the government to open more jobs and accommodate them. Without proper support from the governmental bodies, these young talents will go to waste. Joblessness and homelessness,
for example
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, can be the biggest issues if the government fails to house these talents.
Furthermore
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, these problems can
also
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 lead to the decrement of national income causing inflation and other financial troubles. In conclusion,
this
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 demographic condition, where older people are less than young adults, can bring various impacts. The high percentage of productive age gives financial benefits to the country.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 event might cause problems for the government in providing job openings and accommodations. Despite the drawbacks, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages if the governmental bodies can successfully prepare for
this
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 situation.

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, explaining both the benefits and drawbacks of having a large young population. However, try to include more specific examples to better support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next to improve coherence. Consider linking ideas more explicitly between sentences to enhance progression.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage for the argument and summarizing your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your argument is easy to follow, and the essay is structured logically into paragraphs discussing positive and negative aspects.
task response
The essay touches upon potential economic impacts, showing a good understanding of the issue's complexity.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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