IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the perceived danger and actual likelihood of being a victim of crime.

The graph below shows the perceived danger and actual likelihood of being a victim of crime.
The chart below highlights the perceived
danger
Use synonyms
 and real situation of being a victim of
crime
Use synonyms
 of
burglary
Use synonyms
,
car
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 and violent
crime
Use synonyms
 between October 2009 and November 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
car
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 got the highest percentage in both the perceived
danger
Use synonyms
 and the actual
likelihood
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
burglary
Use synonyms
 and violent
crime
Use synonyms
 were almost identical.
However
Linking Words
, there was a huge discrepancy in the
figures
Use synonyms
 between the perceived
danger
Use synonyms
 and the actual
likelihood
Use synonyms
 of the three crimes in the whole period.
Car
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 got the highest percentage, above 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in October 2009 and more than 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in November 2010 in terms of perceived
danger
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, it reached nearly 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for actual scenarios both in October 2009 and November 2010. In comparison,
burglary
Use synonyms
 and violent
crime
Use synonyms
 were almost equal in
figures
Use synonyms
, a little more than 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in perceived
danger
Use synonyms
 and between 3-4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in actual
likelihood
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the percentages of the perceived
danger
Use synonyms
 of the three crimes were at their peak, it was
in contrast
Linking Words
 with the
figures
Use synonyms
 of the actual situations of these crimes. There was a substantial difference between them. All
figures
Use synonyms
 for the actual
likelihood
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
,
car
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 and violent
crime
Use synonyms
 just reached below 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, which was 5 times lower than those of the perceived
danger
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words danger, crime, burglary, car, likelihood, figures, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: