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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some doctors show it is important for the old people to have regular exercise. However, some old people cannot get enough exercise. Why do you think this happens? How can old people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

#doctors #show #people #exercise
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Some doctors
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 to do
exericse
Correct your spelling
exercise
 regularly because of its importance.
However
Linking Words
, some old
people
Use synonyms
 cannot get enough
Use synonyms
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend happens for several reasons, old
people
Use synonyms
 can be encouraged to do regular
Use synonyms
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various ways. On the one hand, old
people
Use synonyms
 do not do
Use synonyms
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 often for several reasons. One reason is that they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulty
to travel
Change the verb form
travelling
show examples
 to sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. When
people
Use synonyms
 reach to certain
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, their body's function will get worse, they can not walk quickly like young
people
Use synonyms
. Some
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 elders need
others'help
Correct your spelling
others help
 to go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere.
This
Linking Words
 becomes an
an
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
obtackle
Correct your spelling
obstacle
 to them to access the facilities for old
people
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not know how to
use
Use synonyms
 properly the
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. Take my grandfather
for example
Linking Words
, my father bought a massage chair for him, but he doesn't
use
Use synonyms
often
Correct pronoun usage
it often
show examples
 because there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some functions which make him confused to
Use synonyms
use
Correct pronoun usage
use it
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the elders can be encouraged to exercise regularly
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the local
people
Use synonyms
 should spend money to buy some
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 which is easy to
use
Use synonyms
 for old
people
Use synonyms
 in the neighbourhood . The old
people
Use synonyms
 can walk there in the morning and do
Use synonyms
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 there.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the head of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 should have free seminars for old
people
Use synonyms
 to educate them about the benefits of doing
Use synonyms
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 regularly.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, old
people
Use synonyms
 can understand that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risky diseases can be avoided
such
Linking Words
 as
diebetes
Correct your spelling
diabetes
,
obeysity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and heart attaches. In conclusion, it is crucial for the old to have a regular
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
exercise
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 can not get enough
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
exercise
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 because of
difficulty
Correct article usage
the difficulty
show examples
 in travelling or using the
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, there are several ways to encourage them to do
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
exercise
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 often
Submitted by nguyennguyet.vcu on

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