It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, everyone needs to save
money
for their future life
, especially young people have to do this
. Personally, I totally agree with this
statement for some reasons mentioned in this
essay.
On the one hand, in the modern world, individuals always work and earn money
to live. For instance
, we live in a capitalizing system and this
has some requirements. One of them is spending fund
. If you spend Fix the agreement mistake
funds
money
, the system will work. Every regulation related to this
. So, If you live in this
world, you should be fit financially. Firstly
, individuals have to find a job and then
, while
they earning, they save for their retired life
. Because,
some poor countries can not take care of their old societies. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, Turkey, India, Pakistan etc. Although
, people, who are in old age need to spend money
as no financial stability. For why, this
system wants this
.
On the other hand
, with these poor conditions, If your government do not think about your life
, folks have to learn how to collect cash,especially, teenagers. Because, at this
age, they can do it easily. They are open to doing something. Also
, they are young and have graduated and work. In this
situation, makes easy their 20 years later life
. In addition
, everybody wants to go shopping however
, it is not a
real happiness. To spend Remove the article
apply
money
is easy but the other one is hard
way.
In conclusion, every time Add an article
the hard
a hard
and
everyone wants to feel safe. So, Correct word choice
apply
that is
why, collecting and saving up are so meaningful. And, I totally agree with this
idea.Submitted by ecem.tekben on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While you present a clear viewpoint, ensure each point directly supports your main thesis. Avoid ambiguous statements, ensuring each idea traces back to the main topic of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Aim to improve the logical sequence within and between paragraphs. Utilize linking words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly, and avoid abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by including more specific examples or data, illustrating your points with greater precision. This can make points more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
You effectively address the topic by stating a clear standpoint at the beginning, which is maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, providing context at the start and a summary by the end, aligning with the discussed topic.