IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, everyone needs to save
money
Use synonyms
 for their future
life
Use synonyms
, especially young people have to do
this
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. Personally, I totally agree with
this
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 statement for some reasons mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, in the modern world, individuals always work and earn
money
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 to live.
For instance
Linking Words
, we live in a capitalizing system and
this
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 has some requirements. One of them is spending
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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. If you spend
money
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, the system will work. Every regulation related to
this
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. So, If you live in
this
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 world, you should be fit financially.
Firstly
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, individuals have to find a job and
then
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,
while
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 they earning, they save for their retired
life
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. Because
,
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apply
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 some poor countries can not take care of their old societies.
For instance
Linking Words
, Turkey, India, Pakistan etc.
Although
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, people, who are in old age need to spend
money
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 as no financial stability. For why,
this
Linking Words
 system wants
this
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with these poor conditions, If your government do not think about your
life
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, folks have to learn how to collect cash,especially, teenagers. Because, at
this
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 age, they can do it easily. They are open to doing something.
Also
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, they are young and have graduated and work. In
this
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 situation, makes easy their 20 years later
life
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.
In addition
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, everybody wants to go shopping
however
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, it is not
a
Remove the article
apply
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real happiness. To spend
money
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 is easy but the other one is
hard
Add an article
the hard
a hard
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 way. In conclusion, every time
and
Correct word choice
apply
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everyone wants to feel safe. So,
that is
Linking Words
 why, collecting and saving up are so meaningful. And, I totally agree with
this
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 idea.

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task achievement
While you present a clear viewpoint, ensure each point directly supports your main thesis. Avoid ambiguous statements, ensuring each idea traces back to the main topic of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Aim to improve the logical sequence within and between paragraphs. Utilize linking words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly, and avoid abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by including more specific examples or data, illustrating your points with greater precision. This can make points more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
You effectively address the topic by stating a clear standpoint at the beginning, which is maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, providing context at the start and a summary by the end, aligning with the discussed topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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