It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, everyone needs to save
money
for their future
life
, especially young people have to do
this
. Personally, I totally agree with
this
statement for some reasons mentioned in
this
essay. On the one hand, in the modern world, individuals always work and earn
money
to live.
For instance
, we live in a capitalizing system and
this
has some requirements. One of them is spending
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
. If you spend
money
, the system will work. Every regulation related to
this
. So, If you live in
this
world, you should be fit financially.
Firstly
, individuals have to find a job and
then
,
while
they earning, they save for their retired
life
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some poor countries can not take care of their old societies.
For instance
, Turkey, India, Pakistan etc.
Although
, people, who are in old age need to spend
money
as no financial stability. For why,
this
system wants
this
.
On the other hand
, with these poor conditions, If your government do not think about your
life
, folks have to learn how to collect cash,especially, teenagers. Because, at
this
age, they can do it easily. They are open to doing something.
Also
, they are young and have graduated and work. In
this
situation, makes easy their 20 years later
life
.
In addition
, everybody wants to go shopping
however
, it is not
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
real happiness. To spend
money
is easy but the other one is
hard
Add an article
the hard
a hard
show examples
way. In conclusion, every time
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
everyone wants to feel safe. So,
that is
why, collecting and saving up are so meaningful. And, I totally agree with
this
idea.
Submitted by ecem.tekben on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you present a clear viewpoint, ensure each point directly supports your main thesis. Avoid ambiguous statements, ensuring each idea traces back to the main topic of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Aim to improve the logical sequence within and between paragraphs. Utilize linking words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly, and avoid abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by including more specific examples or data, illustrating your points with greater precision. This can make points more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
You effectively address the topic by stating a clear standpoint at the beginning, which is maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, providing context at the start and a summary by the end, aligning with the discussed topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: