It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future

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Nowadays, everyone needs to save

money

for their future

life

, especially young people have to do

this

. Personally, I totally agree with

this

statement for some reasons mentioned in

this

essay. On the one hand, in the modern world, individuals always work and earn

money

to live.

For instance

, we live in a capitalizing system and

this

has some requirements. One of them is spending

fund

Fix the agreement mistake

funds

show examples

. If you spend

money

, the system will work. Every regulation related to

this

. So, If you live in

this

world, you should be fit financially.

Firstly

, individuals have to find a job and

then

while

they earning, they save for their retired

life

. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

some poor countries can not take care of their old societies.

For instance

, Turkey, India, Pakistan etc.

Although

, people, who are in old age need to spend

money

as no financial stability. For why,

this

system wants

this

On the other hand

, with these poor conditions, If your government do not think about your

life

, folks have to learn how to collect cash,especially, teenagers. Because, at

this

age, they can do it easily. They are open to doing something.

Also

, they are young and have graduated and work. In

this

situation, makes easy their 20 years later

life

In addition

, everybody wants to go shopping

however

, it is not

Remove the article

apply

show examples

real happiness. To spend

money

is easy but the other one is

hard

Add an article

the hard

a hard

show examples

way. In conclusion, every time

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

everyone wants to feel safe. So,

that is

why, collecting and saving up are so meaningful. And, I totally agree with

this

idea.

Submitted by ecem.tekben on Mon Dec 16 2024

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task achievement

While you present a clear viewpoint, ensure each point directly supports your main thesis. Avoid ambiguous statements, ensuring each idea traces back to the main topic of discussion.

coherence cohesion

Aim to improve the logical sequence within and between paragraphs. Utilize linking words to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly, and avoid abrupt transitions.

task achievement

Strengthen your argument by including more specific examples or data, illustrating your points with greater precision. This can make points more convincing and relatable.

task achievement

You effectively address the topic by stating a clear standpoint at the beginning, which is maintained throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, providing context at the start and a summary by the end, aligning with the discussed topic.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
safety net
unforeseen circumstances
emergencies
future investments
retirement planning
financial discipline
habit of saving
amassing wealth
substantial fund
opportunity cost
additional income
inflation
purchasing power

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