IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #adult #smokers #seven #countries #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of average adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in seven countries
along with
Linking Words
 the world average in 2000 and 2015. In general, Armenia become the
highest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 with male
smokers
Use synonyms
 over the years,
while
Linking Words
 Australia become the least.
n
Correct your spelling
In
 2000, over 40% male population in the world are smoking. Armenia became the
country
Use synonyms
 with the most male
smokers
Use synonyms
 with over 50%
smokers
Use synonyms
. Bangladesh and Cuba
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the next position with over 50% people.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 like Egypt, Lebanon, Mexico and Australia remained under 40% of
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 male population
However
Linking Words
, in 2015 the number of male
smokers
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 in many
Use synonyms
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
,
as a result
Linking Words
 the average
male
Correct quantifier usage
number of male
show examples
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2015
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to around 30%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Armenia, Bangladesh, Mexico and Australia
also
Linking Words
 decline significantly around 5% to 15%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in Egypt and
Lebanon
Add a comma
Lebanon,
show examples
 the number rose to over 40%,
whereas
Linking Words
 male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Cuba remained stable with only a slight decrease.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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