IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Every parent says to his
children
 to read a
lot
 of books , stories ,
poems
Correct word choice
and poems
show examples
instead
 of watching movies , TV or playing
games
 , just
waste
Replace the word
wasting
show examples
time
 on social media . Nowadays reading
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 as a hobby for
children
 is once in a blue moon .  In my opinion phones or other devices are really useful and essential , since the majority of
people
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for working , for calling someone , for playing some
games
 , for listening to music and so on . 
However
 we cannot be sure that computer
games
 are not valuable ,
due to
children
 can
also
 learn something new ,
therefore
 not everyone can utilise computers . Perhaps it employs a
lot
 these days , especially for playing
games
. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
people
 should read only if they want to do
this
, but they should find other activities to do , to use their
time
 wisely . Even
so
Add a comma
so,
show examples
 they should reduce their
time
 playing on the computer . After playing a
lot
children
 become aggressive and rude , just because they are exhausted . They can ruin relationships with their closest
people
 just because of the game . Of course spending
time
 with friends and having fun is not bad , but if you can't stop yourself
doing
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
 it ,
then
 it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
really problematic .
People
 become really indolent nowadays , I think it's because of using gadgets a
lot
 , without stopping . The regime may
also
 be disrupted and the body will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to relax .
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • visualize
  • deeper understanding
  • language comprehension
  • critical thinking
  • empathy
  • perspectives
  • emotional benefits
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • cognitive development
  • educational programs
  • interactive
  • stimulate
  • relaxation
  • reduce stress
What to do next:
Look at other essays: