IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#countries #ages #people #drink #laws #policy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries have a strict legal drinking
age
Use synonyms
, others claim that it Is better not to have strict laws. In my opinion, I consider that countries should carefully control
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 with regard to
age
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
according to
Linking Words
 some,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has to set an
age
Use synonyms
 limit for alcoholic drinks to monitor their
consumption
Use synonyms
, and I agree.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 reach a certain
age
Use synonyms
, they can buy
alcohol
Use synonyms
 legally, but if not, it is prohibited. The government does it because of the risks that
alcohol
Use synonyms
 can cause among young adults and, especially, teenagers.
For example
Linking Words
, research indicates that early
alcohol
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 leads to various health problems, including addiction and impaired brain development.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
show examples
 drinking
age
Use synonyms
 can promote a sense of social responsibility. By regulating access to
alcohol
Use synonyms
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 encourages responsible drinking behaviour and reduces problems related to alcoholism.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some may claim that strict drinking laws are unnecessary and
people
Use synonyms
 should have the right to make their own choices. One reason is that education about
alcohol
Use synonyms
 drinking is more effective than legal restrictions.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, if younger
people
Use synonyms
 drink
alcohol
Use synonyms
 under controlled conditions, it can foster a healthier relationship with
alcohol
Use synonyms
. Another reason is that strict laws do not always prevent underage drinking.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 may find a way to circumvent the ban.
For instance
Linking Words
, young adults have the opportunity to ask others to buy them alcoholic drinks or search for places where they can buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in an unsafe environment.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 may vary in their opinions, I think that countries should set
age
Use synonyms
 limits for alcoholic drinks and control their
consumption
Use synonyms
 not only among teenagers and young adults but
also
Linking Words
 among other groups of humans to maintain a healthy lifestyle
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the population.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: