IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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In many countries have care of
health
 and make extra
knwoledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 for
people
avoid
Fix the infinitive
to avoid
show examples
 the risk, that
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
peoblem
Correct your spelling
problem
problems
 for
health
,
such
 as smoking.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
 the
prevention
 of
health
problems
 and
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 is more
interest
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
 than treatment and
medicine
. But government funding should reflect
this
. So, I
compeletly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 point and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to discuss
this
 view and give an example.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevention
 is the
basic
Correct your spelling
basis
show examples
 of
health
,
people
 should avoid the
dangerouse
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 of
problems
 that
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
Then
, the government can
make
Verb problem
provide
show examples
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social media, they
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 them to leave the smoke and tell them about the
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 of smoking,
it's causes
Change the verb form
it causes
show examples
 cancer and
problems
 when they
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
.
Also
, if they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 all
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
, they will be more healthy and they will be
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
carefully
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevention
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better than treatment, because if they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 sick they will
sufer
Correct your spelling
suffer
 when they have treatment and
medicine
, they can't eat well,
also
 they can't complete their lifestyle.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
problems
 for
people
's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, if they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
illness
Add an article
an illness
the illness
show examples
, they will take a lot of
medicine
 until they
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good,
as well as
,
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
 will destroy the body,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 will be weak. In conclusion, I think that the government should care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
people
, during to
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 and know them about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevention
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
very important for them,
that's make
Change the verb form
that makes
show examples
 them
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
carefully
 a lot to be safety.
Submitted by Loody on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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