IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graphs illustrate the amount of
shops
Use synonyms
 that were shut down and opened
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 country during 7 years period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of closed stores saw a dramatical decrease, whilst most of the
shops
Use synonyms
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 at the beginning of the
time
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the amount of new stores was two
Use synonyms
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more than closed ones.
However
Linking Words
, its figures witnessed a considerable downfall in 2013, with approximately 4000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
. 2014 was
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 productive year for opened stores
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since the
numbers
Use synonyms
 grew to around 6 thousands. Despite
this
Linking Words
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
, the graph experienced a rapid reduction in 2015
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and remained steady during the
tso
Correct your spelling
two
 next years at 4000.
Linking Words
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
numbers
Use synonyms
 fell moderately again and reached 3000
shops
Use synonyms
. It can be seen, that the
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of closed
shops
Use synonyms
 fluctuated during the whole
time
Use synonyms
. The highest point was in 2013 at about 7000 shut markets.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2015 ,
ore
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 than 4
Use synonyms
time less
Fix the agreement mistake
times fewer
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 were closed, at around 500 and 4000, relatively.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the line rose steeply in 2016 and did not change significantly
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 the end of
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2018.
Submitted by tyurina.98 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, numbers, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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