IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary forgovernments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disgaree with this opinion ?

#countries #people #health #food #forgovernments #tax #disgaree
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In
this
 modern era, an increasing number
od
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 people are choosing to eat
juck
Correct your spelling
junk
food
 and because of that folks are suffering from a plethora of health conditions.
Thus
, it is essential for the governments to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more tax from the people who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 buying fast
food
. If questioned, I bolster
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 notion to a major extent. My inclination is justified
further
. There are several reasons why I opine that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
 plays a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
health issues. The most pivotal one is that
food
 from outside would not only
unhygenic
Correct your spelling
unhygienic
 but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a lot of spices and oil which can cause serious
heart related
Add a hyphen
heart-related
show examples
 diseases. To support
this
, it can be explained that they are using the cheapest oil and butter
while
 preparing
food
 in order to enhance the taste of it.
Therefore
, street
food
 is always cheap and tasty. If the government
will take
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 more taxes on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
street
food
,
eveyone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 will choose
money
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eating junk.
Furthermore
, another striking reason is that, in
this
 fast-paced life, it will become easy for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working individuals to buy
food
 from outside as they can utilize their
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a work.
However
, workaholics are most considerate about their
money
 as well, as they work hard for it. If the authorities will
impliment
Correct your spelling
implement
 more tax on street
food
 or any fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, they will think first before buying anything.
Nonetheless
, I shall not look
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 opposite site too. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, even with the higher tax on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food
, children will pester
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their parents for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
 because of the taste and
also
 they are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
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 the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
.
Secondly
, those who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
working hard,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not have enough
time
 to cook.
Hence
, they prefer to eat outside to save their
time
.
Thus
,
to conclude
,
according to
 the aforementioned points, it can be commented that despite saving
time
 and having tasty
food
, my justification convinces that rather spend on fast
food
eveyone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 likes to save
money
 for the upcoming years are logically acceptable.
Submitted by DARSHITA on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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