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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction from 2030 adn 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction from 2030 adn 2040.
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The line graph shows the information related
the
Change preposition
to the
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number
Use synonyms
 of the population in four South East Asian countries living in cities between 1970 to 2020,
along with
Linking Words
 the prediction for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all of the ethnicities
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 an upward trend over the years with
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysians
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 the highest, whilst Thai
people
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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.
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysians
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
became
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 the ethnicity with the highest increase, starting from 30% in 1970
then
Linking Words
 gradually
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
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 throughout the years until it is predicted to reach its peak of 80% in 2040.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
also
Linking Words
 started from 30% in 1970. The
number
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 climbed to nearly 50% in 1990 before it slowly fell to around 40% in 2010 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 minimally until over 50% in 2040.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of Thai
people
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesian
Fix the agreement mistake
Indonesians
show examples
 started from less than 20%. The population of Thai
people
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 rose significantly to 30% in 1990 and remained stable until 2020. It is predicted that the
number
Use synonyms
 will continue to rise rapidly until
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
 its peak of around 50% in 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, immigrants from Indonesia
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a significant increase over the years and the
number
Use synonyms
 will continue to rise dramatically until around 60% in 2040.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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