IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, there has been a significant advancement in AI and automation technologies. Some argue that these technologies will lead to widespread job displacement. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

With the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 Artificial Intelligence and automation technologies, not a few
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 might lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge unemployment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore and elucidate the reasons why I concur with the opinion
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 will lead to
job
Use synonyms
 displacement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it cannot be denied that nowadays, the
existence
Use synonyms
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 has significantly
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 numerous
people
Use synonyms
 in their daily activities. From household to professional work can be done by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that many
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cashier, cleaning service, or
receptionist
Punctuation problem
receptionist,
show examples
 are getting
replace
Wrong verb form
replaced
show examples
 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, jobs that require certain skills
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as graphic design,
analysts
Use the right word
analysis
show examples
,
teachers
Replace the word
teaching
show examples
,
etc
Punctuation problem
etc,
show examples
 started to get threatened by the
existence
Use synonyms
 of
technology
Use synonyms
, especially AI.
Despite
Change preposition
Although
show examples
this
Linking Words
 might help some
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lighten their
work load
Use the right word
workload
show examples
, the
existence
Use synonyms
 of AI
if
Punctuation problem
, if
show examples
 not accompanied by
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's quality,
highly
Rephrase
will likely
show examples
 lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
massive unemployment. To illustrate, as mentioned above, there are numerous
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities that
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 human
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
worker. If
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 to happen, massive
job
Use synonyms
 displacement might
unavoidable
Verb problem
be unavoidable
show examples
. A wide range of
people
Use synonyms
 around the world might lose
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not have any income to
fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfil
show examples
 their needs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the world may be dominated by
technology
Use synonyms
 that at some point humans become the
most weekest
Correct word choice
weakest
show examples
 creature on the planet. Based from the reasons I explain above, I must agree that the
existence
Use synonyms
 of techonlogy if not accompany with the improvement of quality of the
people
Use synonyms
 might lead to the worst scenario of widespread
job
Use synonyms
 displacement.
This
Linking Words
 cannot be
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
 the government should
fine
Use the right word
find
show examples
 the most effective solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem,
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the quality of education for the
people
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 will become the
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 in the future world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan your answer with a clear intro, 2–3 body para, and a short ending.
planning
Put your view in the first line and stay with it in the essay.
content
Give one or two clear examples to support each idea.
grammar
Check grammar and word use; use simple, common words.
organization
Use linking words to show order and cause (first, next, also, because, so).
style
Try to keep sentences short and one idea per sentence.
positioning
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
argument
There is an attempt to discuss causes and effects.
conclusion
The essay ends with a call to action about education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancement
  • automation
  • technologies
  • displacement
  • unemployment
  • transformation
  • roles
  • skills
  • economic benefits
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • industries
  • retraining
  • upskilling
  • initiatives
  • transition
  • societal impact
  • inequality
  • policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: