IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, there has been a significant advancement in AI and automation technologies. Some argue that these technologies will lead to widespread job displacement. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#years #advancement #automation #technologies #argue #job #displacement
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With the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
 including Artificial Intelligence and automation technologies, not a few
people
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 believe that
this
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 might lead to
a
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apply
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huge unemployment.
This
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 essay will explore and elucidate the reasons why I concur with the opinion
of
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that
show examples
technology
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 will lead to
job
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 displacement.
To begin
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 with, it cannot be denied that nowadays, the
existence
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 of
technology
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 has significantly
help
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helped
show examples
 numerous
people
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 in their daily activities. From household to professional work can be done by
a
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apply
show examples
technology
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. It can be seen that many
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job
Change the noun form
jobs
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such
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 as cashier, cleaning service, or receptionist are getting
replace
Change the form of the verb
replaced
show examples
 by
a
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apply
show examples
technology
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.
Moreover
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, jobs that require certain skills
such
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 as graphic design,
analysts
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analysis
show examples
,
teachers
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teaching
show examples
, etc started to get threatened by the
existence
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 of
technology
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, especially AI. Despite
this
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 might help some
people
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 to lighten their
work load
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workload
show examples
, the
existence
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 of AI if not accompanied by the increase
of
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in
show examples
people
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's quality, highly lead to
a
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apply
show examples
massive unemployment. To illustrate, as mentioned above, there are numerous
job
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 opportunities that
does
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do
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 human as their worker. If
this
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 phenomenon
continue
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continues
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 to happen, massive
job
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 displacement might
unavoidable
Add a missing verb
be unavoidable
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. A wide range of
people
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 around the world might lose
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not have any income to
fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfil
show examples
 their needs.
Furthermore
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, the world may be dominated by
technology
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that
Correct word choice
and
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 at some point humans become the
most weekest
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weakest
show examples
creature
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creatures
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 on the planet. Based
from
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on
show examples
 the reasons I explain above, I must agree that the
existence
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 of
techonlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 if not
accompany
Wrong verb form
accompanied
show examples
with
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by
show examples
 the improvement of
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of the
people
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 might lead to the worst scenario of widespread
job
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 displacement.
This
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 cannot
be allow
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be allowed
show examples
,
therefore
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 the government should
fine
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
 the most effective solution to
this
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 problem,
such
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 as increasing the quality of education for the
people
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation as they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 that will become the
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 in the future world.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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