IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #future
It is contended that saving
money
 for
one
's
future
, especially among the youth, is crucial. I am of the opinion that
this
 approach is inevitably beneficial. Admittedly, it is understandable why saving
money
 does not resonate with everyone's opinion.
Firstly
, saving
money
 is believed to only feed
people
's insatiable appetite for these green papers and dissuade them from living in the moment.
This
 can bring various detrimental effects to
one
's well-being.
For instance
, continuous worrying about
one
's property can trigger anxiety and increase the propensity towards excessive work in the pursuit of more
money
.
Secondly
, young
people
 who are just at the beginning of their professional journey might need to invest in their skills rather than saving
money
 for the unknown
future
. These
people
 need to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in various workshops, buy books, and participate in countless seminars, all of which demand a great portion of their
income
.
Therefore
, at certain stages of
life
, spending
one
's
income
 at the expense of their saving seems necessary.
However
, the potential for unforeseen challenges and advantages of financial literacy necessitate individuals to save a portion of their
income
.
One
 of the most important reasons that forces
people
 to save
money
 is the unknown nature of the
future
. It is almost impossible to fully predict the
future
;
therefore
, it is better to always be prepared for potential challenges. Saving
money
 can guarantee a remedy to unfortunate situations.
For instance
, someone might become ill and not be able to work for several months. During these times, their savings can ensure they maintain a good quality of
life
 and are able to accommodate their needs.
Moreover
, learning about saving and
income
 management can enable
people
 to invest their property in lucrative businesses, which in turn can be used to address
one
's needs in
life
 and provide a higher quality of
life
. In conclusion,
while
 spending
money
 is desirable and essential, I reckon that
long-term
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
 benefits of saving outweigh these advantages.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, further refining the logical flow between paragraphs would enhance the coherence. Try using more varied transition words or phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could benefit from more specificity or detail to strengthen your arguments. Consider expanding on your examples for greater impact.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly expressed, but introducing a broader range of vocabulary could further improve clarity and engagement.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete and thoughtful response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical explanations that contribute to the overall persuasiveness of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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