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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000. Average distance in miles travelled per person per year, by mode of travel

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000. Average distance in miles travelled per person per year, by mode of travel
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The table provides key information about changes in
Use synonyms
mode
Add an article
the mode
show examples
 of travelling in Uinted
Kindgom
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
 for
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of 1985 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that walking
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
, and local
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 showed a reduction,
whereas
Linking Words
 other walking, car,
train
Correct subject-verb agreement
trains
show examples
, taxi, long distance
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
, and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 showed a noticeable increment in their number.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, in 1985 all modes of travel recorded about 4,800 mile\person\year. Car was the predominant
mode
Use synonyms
 of travelling by 3199 miles
while
Linking Words
 taxi recorded the lowest number by only 13
mile
Change to a plural noun
miles
show examples
. Walking and
train
Correct subject-verb agreement
trains
show examples
 hovering around 260
mile
Change to a plural noun
miles
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 local
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 and other travelling
Use synonyms
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
show examples
 were approximately 440
mils
Correct your spelling
miles
show examples
. In terms of 2000, there was
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 change in
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 distance per person per mile and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
reach
Replace the word
reached
show examples
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
 6500. Walking, train,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
Use synonyms
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
show examples
os
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 travelling showed
minor
Add an article
a minor
show examples
 change
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to others.
Car
Add an article
The car
show examples
 still has the highest portion by around 4800 miles. Taxi usage increased by more than double to reach 42 miles
comapred
Correct your spelling
compared
 to 13 in 1985.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words mode with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • modes of travel
  • average distance
  • per person per year
  • increase/decrease
  • significant change/trend
  • vehicle usage
  • public transportation
  • technological advancements
  • societal changes
  • economic growth
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