IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries , government likes to spend more money to spent money on art. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should on health and health discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #government #money #art #people #health
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These days, some countries like to spend their treasury on
art
Use synonyms
, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other wants their government to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 care. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will consider both sides and give my opinion.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 the perspective of
people
Use synonyms
 who want to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on
art
Use synonyms
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can enlighten their view
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the world through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
. By experiencing artistic paintings, videos, etc, we can reconsider our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life and criticize or praise the current situations
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we
given
Add the auxiliary verb
are given
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
fund
Add an article
the fund
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
artist
Add an article
the artist
an artist
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their creation. Sponsoring
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 sustenance of the artists
due to
Linking Words
 their income. Mosu, which is a
micheline
Change the capitalization
Micheline
show examples
 3-star restaurant
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 south
korea
Change the capitalization
Korea
show examples
, was closed
due to
Linking Words
 lack of sponsorship.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
show examples
 of fine dining
restaurents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 are
also
Linking Words
 categorized as an
art
Use synonyms
. The way chefs describe the food
, How
Correct your spelling
and how
 they treat their ingredients takes a lot of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 and
money
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who want to invest more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 care think differently.
Few
Change the article
A few
show examples
 days ago, the CEO of United
Health
Use synonyms
 was killed by a man. The reason why he shot him was sky-high
insurence
Correct your spelling
insurance
 rejection rates. There are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
show examples
 from high hospital expenses
such
Linking Words
 as war veterans,
patients
Correct word choice
and patients
show examples
 of rare diseases.
Privitization
Correct your spelling
Privatization
 of life
insurences
Correct your spelling
insurance
insurances
 caused high debts, and almost every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 except for riches can't handle it on their own. For me, I'd like to
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 care. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
art
Use synonyms
 is about our cultural diversity and experiences but
health
Use synonyms
 problems are directly connected to our daily life which can be urgent.
With
Change preposition
For
show examples
 these reasons, I strongly agree
to spend
Change preposition
with spending
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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