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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Introduction
Nowadays, Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that local authority has
investing
Change the verb form
to invest
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 in
Arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
Body paragraph 1
Music
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 and
theatre
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.
while
Linking Words
 others argued that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 must invest more
money
Use synonyms
 in public
services
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
. I
am partially agree
Change the verb form
partially agree
show examples
 with the given statement because of
government
Use synonyms
 should more
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
services
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has been
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on destitute
people
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.
Along with
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Arts
Correct article usage
the Arts
show examples
. It is more Convent for
people
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 who work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Full-day.
As well as
Linking Words
people
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 who
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in
Music
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 and
theatre
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the one
band
Correct your spelling
hand
show examples
, there are multifarious
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
why
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must
investment
Replace the word
invest
show examples
 in public
services
Use synonyms
. To commence with,
First
Add an article
the First
show examples
 prominent
reason
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 is, In today's time, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the insignificant
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their fundamental amenities.
As well as
Linking Words
 they have not
know
Change the verb form
known
show examples
 about
Body paragraph 3
electricties
along with
Linking Words
 public transport.
Fourthmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, They have not
know
Change the verb form
known
show examples
 about telecommunications. For illustration, The village
kuttygrama
Change the capitalization
Kuttygrama
show examples
 located in the Indian
stale
Correct your spelling
state
show examples
 of Jharkhand
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has no electricity. It is a little village.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
must
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
invest more
money
Use synonyms
 in public
services
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a number
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has
investing
Change the verb form
invested
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 in
Arts
Use synonyms
,
Such
Linking Words
 as
Music
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 and foremost
reason
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 is
Music
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 and
theatre
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
relaxion
Correct your spelling
relaxation
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who Work in
commercial
Add an article
the commercial
show examples
 field.
As well
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Arts
Use synonyms
 is more essential part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 life.
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
 feel
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 that's time
music
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 is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their life.To give a clear example,
people
Use synonyms
 who work in
commercial
Add an article
the commercial
show examples
 field
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to mind
relaxion
Correct your spelling
relaxation
, In
this
Linking Words
 situation
Music
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 best for them.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 investment in
Arts
Use synonyms
,
Such
Linking Words
 as
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
 is the best.Owing to
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 help
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
 they feel better. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 local authority should more
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 public
services
Use synonyms
 is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
improve
 insignificant town.
Moreover
Linking Words
, best for destitute
people
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • public services
  • money
  • waste
  • support
  • education
  • healthcare
  • transportation
  • economy
  • access
  • society
  • jobs
  • quality of life
  • artists
  • tourism
  • communities
  • funding
  • prioritize
  • benefits
  • stable
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