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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the countries taken into view are
Belgium
Use synonyms
, The United States,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Australia. We see that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of men aged 60-64 in employment in 1970 and 2000 had the highest
count
Use synonyms
 of the
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 about 85% of men and 43% for a women, rather than in
Belgium
Use synonyms
 in 1970 with 8% for a
woman
Use synonyms
, but for a
man
Use synonyms
 The United States had lowest the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of workers in 1970 with 73%.
Hence
Linking Words
 , in 2000
Belgium
Use synonyms
 remain stable with the smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 for a women about 7%, whilst for a
man
Use synonyms
 in
Belgium
Use synonyms
 had
also
Linking Words
 the minor
count
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2000 for 19%.
In addition
Linking Words
, except
Japan
Use synonyms
 which placed the first position by the
count
Use synonyms
 of percentages, USA had second place in 2000 with 55% for
man
Use synonyms
 and 39% for a
woman
Use synonyms
 which decreased by the years for a
man
Use synonyms
 , but increased for a
woman
Use synonyms
 .
Thus
Linking Words
, Australia in 2000 had more
count
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2000 for
woman
Use synonyms
 than in 1970 with 16%, but
also
Linking Words
 had gradually decreased for a
man
Use synonyms
 in 2000 . In conclusion,
Japan
Use synonyms
 place was dominated in 1970 and 2000,
while
Linking Words
Belgium
Use synonyms
 remain staible with the particually the sane
count
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
 by the years .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words belgium, japan, percentage, count, woman, man with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 9 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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