IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying history is very important and we must study the past to understand the present. Others say that it is useless and should not be studied at all. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #study
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To have the knowledge about the
history
 is essential for every nation. Few people think that it is crucial to teach individuals about historical events
while
 others disagree and believe that it has no significance and should be avoided. Studying
history
 provides us
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 chance to know about the ancient civilizations. It gives us the information about their quaint infrastructure and their way of living. The discovered civilizations of Harappa and Mohenjo
daro
Change the capitalization
Daro
show examples
 in Pakistan have made people
astonish
Wrong verb form
astonished
show examples
 and they could not believe that archaic folks had better sanitation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 than many developing nations.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 we can learn from our past mistakes and can avoid them in future. Many nations have learned and changed their ideologies. The
french revolution
Correct your spelling
French Revolution
show examples
 is a good
illustratiuon
Correct your spelling
illustration
 of
this
. The social injustice by higher authorities and heavy taxation lead to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 revolt against
emperors
Correct article usage
the emperors
show examples
 of that time. It had not only abolish the monarchy but
also
 created
democray
Correct your spelling
democracy
 which still exists today. Now the public is considered significant and equal rights have been distributed regardless of their social status. Shifting towards the other view, those who believe that it should
be abolish
Change the verb form
be abolished
show examples
 claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
 is not preserved in its original form. The unauthentic information has been taught for decades which will only lead to identity crises.
For instance
,
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of Pakistan claim that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 meddled and changed many events, and without knowing
true
Correct article usage
the true
show examples
 facts it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 waste of time and energy to study
history
. Individuals must focus on
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and future without wasting immense time
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
this
 subject. In conclusion,
history
 is vital and should be taught in institutes, it provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accurate knowledge about our
incestors
Correct your spelling
ancestors
investors
. In my opinion, studying historical events is the right of every individual but it must be present in its authentic form.
Submitted by georgeanum650 on

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linguistic
Work on using a variety of complex sentence structures to elevate your writing style. This will help in improving clarity and engagement.
grammatical
Pay attention to singular/plural agreement and articles. Small inaccuracies are present but improving them would enhance overall precision.
structural
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear hyperlink sentence which connects it back to the main question. This will boost the coherence.
task response
The essay efficiently discusses both views and offers relevant examples to support each viewpoint, particularly in discussing the Harappa and Mohenjo Daro civilizations and the French Revolution.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the debate, and the conclusion effectively restates your position with an emphasis on the need for authenticity in historical information.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs are well-structured, each focusing on a distinct viewpoint, which adds clarity to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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