Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Following the course of
time
, education
itself has witnessed numerous changes
to their
system in order to maintain compatibility with a constantly developing Correct pronoun usage
its
society
. However
, a debate has come to be as some people are in
Verb problem
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
belief
that Replace the word
believe
students
ought to evenly distribute their time
to all subjects
, while
others recommend concentrating on preferred subjects
. The following essay will discuss both views before my opinion is stated.
The approach
of focusing on every subject in the curriculum
provides a sustainable academic path. Evenly investing their time
into all subjects
enables a student
to have a better grasp of every subject’s knowledge
in order to have a higher variety of career options. Moreover
, this
approach
allows sustainability, ensuring a student
can have stronger knowledge
foundations while
bettering their understanding and preference of subjects
for improved insights into their future choices. Finally
, this
gives a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
students
more methods for assessment in university enrollment. For instance
, the previous education
system in Vietnam had an all-compassing curriculum
, having students
study
all subjects
. This
previous approach
benefitted many students
, allowing them to have
more diverse decisions in their Verb problem
make
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
while
ensuring they have sufficient knowledge
to better assist them in making a decision. All in all, focusing evenly on all subjects
provides stability in a student
’s academic path while
allowing a more diverse series of admission forms.
Meanwhile, the concentration on individually preferred subjects
allows students
to optimize their studies for higher performance. When permitting students
to study
subjects
that they only want to, a positive mindset to education
for a student
is formed as they are able to invest further
into subjects
they enjoy. Consequently
, this
could enhance their overall
grades with the accentuation of performance to ensure they have better opportunities of entering
their desired universities and courses. More importantly, Change preposition
to enter
this
eliminates the pressure of studying for unwanted subjects
, be that subjects
they perform poorly at and overall
optimizes the time
spent into
studying. Observing recent Change preposition
apply
changes
in Vietnam’s education
system, it is noticeable that students
are now allowed to customize their very own curriculum
with the freedom to eliminate any subjects
they do not wish to study
. These changes
have provided positive results as students
now have more time
to study
subjects
they enjoy, therefore
improving their grades and knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
for
the fixed syllabus. Change preposition
of
Overall
, letting students
concentrate on subjects
they find interesting will optimize their study
time
while
producing positive outcomes with these changes
.
Personally, I am in
Verb problem
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
belief
that the latter option is more compatible Replace the word
believe
to
the current Change preposition
with
society
. It is evident that the amount of knowledge
students
learn are
much more advanced with a bigger load in accordance Correct subject-verb agreement
is
to
the rapid advancement of Change preposition
with
society
, As a result
, studying every subject would potentially overload a student
, leading to emotional distress and diminished efficiency. Therefore
, I support the approach
of allowing personalization in a syllabus to improve grades and the learning experience. Moreover
, the issue of lacking diversity in options can be handled by letting students
have a clear orientation of what they wish to pursue and follow that fixed path to maintain stability and sustainability.
In conclusion, both approaches to education
have merits unique to their very own nature. However
, I personally support the customization of a curriculum
due to
its suitability to the nature of a society
that is
moving apace while
ensuring a sufficient learning experience beneficial to the students
while
compatible with today’s demands.Submitted by ngocthuykatie on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
language accuracy
Ensure consistency in singular/plural forms and pronouns ('education itself has witnessed numerous changes to their system' should be 'its system').
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, the transitions between paragraphs can be a little more fluid for improved cohesion.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and the author's viewpoint.
task response
Each viewpoint is well-supported with relevant examples, adding depth to the argument.
task response
Demonstrates a good understanding of the task, addressing both views and providing a well-reasoned personal opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example