IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important fo people to tke risks, both in their professional lives and their pesonal lives. Do you think the advantage of taking risks outweigh the disadventages?

#fo #people #tke #risks #lives #advantage #disadventages
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Human
life
 is full of obstacles, and few people claim that
life
 is worth taking
risks
 and it is crucial
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for individuals to take
risks
 in
professional
Correct pronoun usage
their professional
show examples
 and personal lives.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 view in detail and will explain why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. There are various advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking
risks
. First and foremost is the expansion of
horizon
Correct article usage
the horizon
show examples
. Going beyond limits in professional
life
 aids with personal growth and
eradicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
eradicates
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fear which could in turn increase the
efficieny
Correct your spelling
efficiency
 and the
person
 would be able to achieve desired outcomes. If the organization has a traditional way of working and a
person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to change the ways, with fear he may not be able to break the barriers. Taking
risks
 helps with fear management as well. The benefit of taking
risks
 in personal
life
 can help to convert the mundane lifestyle and a
person
 can have a
life
 full of excitement and better experiences which can be memorable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age. Taking
risks
 comes with some disadvantages as well. It can have a negative impact on
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
life
 and can cause mental issues.
However
, if it works for somebody, it is not essential that the other
person
 will be able to achieve the same outcomes.
For example
, if a
person
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 some changes in a company, he may
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 his job, which will not only land him in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial stress
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but will have a negative impact on his mental health. So, the human will be
threatend
Correct your spelling
threatened
treated
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lifetime and will avoid taking
risks
 as much as possible.
Consequently
, an individual will become comfortable with his mundane
life
. In conclusion, there are both drawbacks and benefits attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
, but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because it comes with personal growth and excited
life
.
Submitted by georgeanum650 on

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grammar
Be sure to check for spelling errors and typos, such as 'for' instead of 'fo', 'the' instead of 'tke', and 'p' instead of 'pesonal'. This enhances readability and professionalism.
task response
Try to include more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the body paragraphs. This will strengthen your arguments and add depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. This could make your arguments more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and summarizing the discussion on the topic of taking risks.
logical structure
The main points are logically structured and are relevant to the topic. You clearly discuss both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic, discussing both the professional and personal aspects of risk-taking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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