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Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar chart below shows the average number of visitors who went to six types of attractions in Canberra, on a weekday on the weekend, in 2019

The bar chart below shows the average number of visitors who went to six types of attractions in Canberra, on a weekday on the weekend, in 2019
#bar #visitors #six #attractions #canberra #weekday #weekend
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The average count of
visitors
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 six leisure sites in Canberra,
according to
Linking Words
 the data, reveals the trends of
people
Use synonyms
 spending their time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both a
weekday
Use synonyms
 and the
weekend
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sites
such
Linking Words
 as parks, shopping centres, cafes and restaurants, museums, movie theatres, and
libraries
Use synonyms
, mostly on the
weekend
Use synonyms
 rather than on a
weekday
Use synonyms
. Cafes and restaurants,
for example
Linking Words
, are the most attractive
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where visited
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 140
people
Use synonyms
 on the
weekend
Use synonyms
, followed by parks (100
visitors
Use synonyms
), shopping centres (90), movie theatres (80), museums (60), and
libraries
Use synonyms
 (nearly 40
visitors
Use synonyms
).
In contrast
Linking Words
, when a
weekday
Use synonyms
 comes,
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who visit the sites
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 as not
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 as
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
weekend
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the place providing food and
bevearge
Correct your spelling
beverage
beverages
 like
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 and
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 still lead the type of attraction with 90
visitors
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 on the
weekday
Use synonyms
 prefer visiting
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 centres (60
visitors
Use synonyms
)
instead
Linking Words
 of going to parks (50
visitors
Use synonyms
). The
extremly
Correct your spelling
extreme
 shifting
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the average number,
however
Linking Words
, belongs to museums which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 visited by less than 40
people
Use synonyms
 on a
weekday
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 it has more than 60
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
show examples
 on the
weekend
Use synonyms
. The same is experienced by movie
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 that have 40
visitors
Use synonyms
 on a
weekday
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 80 on the
weekend
Use synonyms
.
Libraries
Use synonyms
 are likely more stable than others. Even though it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 the site with the lowest
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
,
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 to
libraries
Use synonyms
 is around 20-40
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both a
weekday
Use synonyms
 and the
Use synonyms
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
. In conclusion, cafes and restaurants are the most attractive
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both a
weekday
Use synonyms
 and the
weekend
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
libraries
Use synonyms
 are vice versa.
Submitted by anwarkur20 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, people, weekday, weekend, libraries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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