IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some school leavers tend to go for travelling or work for a period of time before directly going to university. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages?

#school #leavers #work #period #time #university
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An increase in
crime
 is always associated with a dysfunctional society. If there is
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 economic development in the state,
there
Correct word choice
and there
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 is no significant gap between the richest and the poorest,
then
crime
Add an article
the crime
a crime
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 cannot be fueled
from
Change preposition
by
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 those strata of society that are interested in it or join the ranks of its members. To reduce
crime
, it is necessary to solve the problem of the existence of the causes of
crime
, which are the primary source of all illegal acts.
According to
 numerous criminological studies, the problem of the causes of
crime
 in our country should be solved, taking into account the various circumstances that give rise to crimes. The most significant of these circumstances are: 1) the difficult situation in the economy, the presence of a raw material economy, the decline of industry, agriculture and science; 2) the existence of a huge income gap between the rich and the so-called "middle class" (which in fact is not) and between the "middle class" and the poor; 3) depriving many people of jobs, housing and a place in life; 4) the presence of a large number of idle and useless children; 5) lack of full-fledged children's organizations; 6) substance abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, growing every year; 7) poverty of pensioners
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does not have a clear introduction or conclusion. Consider adding an introductory paragraph to present the main idea and a concluding paragraph to summarize your points.
task achievement
Some of your ideas could be more clearly expressed. It would be beneficial to articulate them in a straightforward manner to ensure the reader fully understands your points without ambiguity.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples that illustrate your points. Consider adding examples of countries that have successfully dealt with crime through economic development or addressing social gaps.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a structured list of significant factors contributing to crime, showing good organization of content.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively by discussing various socio-economic factors that contribute to crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • real-world experience
  • personal growth
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • maturity
  • enhanced CV/resume
  • tuition fees
  • student loans
  • academic momentum
  • study habits
  • productive
  • financial risk
  • competitive disadvantage
  • out of sync
What to do next:
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