Money is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the past,
money
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was used as a tool. When remembering the older years, we know that there was no
money
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and the barter system.
Money
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remained as a tool for many years. In my opinion, it is significant for people's future.
This
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essay will discuss why
money
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matters in
human's
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human
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life. Every moment that we step in these days is almost in exchange for
money
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.
However
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, rather than knowing that the sun, air and looking at scenery are free, many things that are considered to be
entertainment
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entertaining
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and to maintain a certain standard in life are done with
money
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.
For instance
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, Netflix
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is thought to be
quality
Correct article usage
a quality
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movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
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and like a download and lifesaving app on mobile phones.
While
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making
money
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is a goal now, humans think it is important to invest in their future.
On the other hand
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, when ancestors used
money
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as a tool, life was easy and there was no trigger to keep them alive. They could leave a farm or a house for their children, but today despite working harder, people know that a lot of
money
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is not enough.
For example
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, there is a sports
center
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centre
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to go to or courses to send their children
.
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to.
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Children who see that nothing is as easy as before are now growing up with the awareness of saving
money
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. İn conclusion,
money
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is very essential to
live
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living
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a certain standard and
to
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apply
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not needing anyone
the
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in the
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following years. People do not have a big family anymore and they have to save
money
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to guarantee their future.
Submitted by denizkevser08 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all the main points you raise are fully developed and supported with clear examples. Consider providing more concrete examples to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas throughout the essay. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
language use
Try to reduce the number of grammatical inaccuracies by reviewing your writing. Ensure your subject-verb agreement and use the correct tenses consistently.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to provide a balanced view, showcasing the importance of money in today's world while also reflecting on historical perspectives.
task achievement
Your writing shows an understanding of the topic and attempts to address the prompt by discussing multiple aspects related to money and its importance.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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