Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Huy Cao

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays the majority of schools have
subjects
like
music
and sports,but some people think these are unnecessary
subjects
for academic
lessons
. My opinion is there are
also
important
subjects
for academics because in the world they are considered like academic
lessons
and in every country they have their own traditional
music
. It's
also
important to know your traditional
music
and dance. We
also
know the academic
subjects
like math,history,geography and others. Of course, they are academic
lessons
, we need to learn them to pass the exams. Every school program has basic requirements for the exams. Physical education helps students to have energy and not to be lazy to do something .
Music
lessons
help students with their own hobbies, the majority of people in the world have their own hobbies like singing,drawing and others. The majority of schools have extra
lessons
like
music
or any sport(football,basketball,handball and others). There are
lessons
for students who have free time and they want to do something. It's okay if student have their own hobby
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they
also
can concentrate on other things. In conclusion, all of the
subjects
are important, because they have something special. Every lesson we should teach them exactly, all of them we should do in our lives.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance your logical flow by organizing your ideas into clearly defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single point or argument and smoothly transition to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide concrete examples to strengthen your arguments. Specific instances from your experience or broader general knowledge can make your points more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Expand your ideas further, providing more detailed explanations and analyses of each point you make, which will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Introduction/Conclusion Present
You have presented a clear introduction that lays out both perspectives on this topic as well as your own opinion, which is crucial for setting up the debate.
Introduction/Conclusion Present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument, reiterating the significance of balancing academic and non-academic subjects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: