IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor
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There is no denying the fact that
money
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 is the most crucial part of the job, and
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivates
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people
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 for it.
while
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 it is a commonly held belief that there are other motivations for employment.in my opinion,
i
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I
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 consider
money
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 and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 essential
motivate
Replace the word
motivation
show examples
 like
routiens
Correct your spelling
routines
 are the most important in jobs nowadays.
To begin
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 with, there
is
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are
show examples
 several important factors to help
employe
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employees
show examples
 get more motivation. in
other word
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another word
other words
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,
money
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 and
stick
Wrong verb form
sticking
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on
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to
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 a routine are the most important things in the
life
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 of jobs.
in addition
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,
people
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work
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 because they need the essential things in
life
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 right now, and without
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money
Add a comma
money,
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 they will suffer
with
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from
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 poorness.
an
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a
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relevent
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relevant
 example from my
life
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, young
people
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 in my country always
needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
money
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 because they have things to pay
such
Linking Words
like
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as
show examples
collage
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college
show examples
 fees, food and other stuff. Another point to consider
,
Add a missing verb
is, financial
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financial
Add an article
the financial
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 part and routines
helps
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help
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 employees to be more efficient in the community, by
this
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 we will have
a
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apply
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great developments in our
countrey
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country
. it is
also
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 possible to say that
habites
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habits
 and good
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 will always help them to avoid mental illness sickness,
such
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like
Change preposition
as
show examples
anxity
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anxiety
, depression and agitation. in
additon
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addition
,
by
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apply
show examples
maintaining mental illness
it
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apply
show examples
will help them to be more
motivate
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motivated
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 to
work
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 regardless
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money
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of money
show examples
.
moreover
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,
Correct article usage
the finances
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finances
Replace the word
the financial
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 part of
work
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 will definitely inspire
people
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 because they have to pay
a
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for a
show examples
lot of stuff just like
,
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apply
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 paying bills like water and
elctronis
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electricity
,
food
Correct word choice
and food
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. in conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views,
i
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I
show examples
beliveve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that encouraging
people
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 to
work
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
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 is the most realistic and
cruicial
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crucial
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 in
life
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.
moreover
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see that
people
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 who are encouraged by it
it
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
always pay back to the benefit to the country they
work
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 in.
Submitted by rnoo95366 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your introduction better, clearly stating your stance, which in this case seems to be that both money and routine work are motivating factors.
Task Achievement
Your main points need more detailed support. Consider developing your arguments with additional examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay sometimes drifts; ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays focused on one point.
Language
Work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to improve the clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
You attempted to provide relevant examples from your own experience, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint well, reinforcing the message of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • basic needs
  • career fulfillment
  • personal growth
  • social interaction
  • networking
  • job security
  • stable income
  • long-term employment
  • work-life balance
  • flexibility
  • intrinsic enjoyment
  • financial compensation
  • motivator
  • workforce
What to do next:
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