IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that
money
Use synonyms
 is the most crucial part of the job, and
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivates
show examples
people
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 for it.
while
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 it is a commonly held belief that there are other motivations for employment.in my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 consider
money
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 and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 essential
motivate
Replace the word
motivation
show examples
 like
routiens
Correct your spelling
routines
 are the most important in jobs nowadays.
To begin
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 with, there
is
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are
show examples
 several important factors to help
employe
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employees
show examples
 get more motivation. in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
money
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 and
stick
Wrong verb form
sticking
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
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 a routine are the most important things in the
life
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 of jobs.
in addition
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,
people
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work
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 because they need the essential things in
life
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 right now, and without
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money
Add a comma
money,
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 they will suffer
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 poorness.
an
Change the article
a
show examples
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 example from my
life
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, young
people
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 in my country always
needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 because they have things to pay
such
Linking Words
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 fees, food and other stuff. Another point to consider
,
Add a missing verb
is, financial
show examples
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 part and routines
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 employees to be more efficient in the community, by
this
Linking Words
 we will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great developments in our
countrey
Correct your spelling
country
. it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
habites
Correct your spelling
habits
 and good
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 will always help them to avoid mental illness sickness,
such
Linking Words
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
anxity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
, depression and agitation. in
additon
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addition
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
maintaining mental illness
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will help them to be more
motivate
Change the form of the verb
motivated
show examples
 to
work
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 regardless
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money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
.
moreover
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the finances
show examples
finances
Replace the word
the financial
show examples
 part of
work
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 will definitely inspire
people
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 because they have to pay
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
lot of stuff just like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 paying bills like water and
elctronis
Correct your spelling
electricity
,
food
Correct word choice
and food
show examples
. in conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
beliveve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that encouraging
people
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 to
work
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
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 is the most realistic and
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 in
life
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.
moreover
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see that
people
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 who are encouraged by it
it
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
always pay back to the benefit to the country they
work
Use synonyms
 in.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your introduction better, clearly stating your stance, which in this case seems to be that both money and routine work are motivating factors.
Task Achievement
Your main points need more detailed support. Consider developing your arguments with additional examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay sometimes drifts; ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays focused on one point.
Language
Work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to improve the clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
You attempted to provide relevant examples from your own experience, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint well, reinforcing the message of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • basic needs
  • career fulfillment
  • personal growth
  • social interaction
  • networking
  • job security
  • stable income
  • long-term employment
  • work-life balance
  • flexibility
  • intrinsic enjoyment
  • financial compensation
  • motivator
  • workforce
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