The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.

The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.
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The diagram and pie chart illustrate the
chocolate
Use synonyms
production process and five distinct factors to determine the price of a
chocolate
Use synonyms
bar.
Overall
Linking Words
, the whole process starts with crushing
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans and ends with the final products turned into
chocolate
Use synonyms
bars or delivered to the food industry. Regarding the pie chart, it can be seen that the highest share of the price is given out to the cost of ingredients
while
Linking Words
the smallest one goes to the farmer. In the beginning,
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans will undergo a grinding process in a shredder machine, resulting in
cocoa
Use synonyms
liquor and waste. After that, it will be divided into two procedures, the first one is industrial
chocolate
Use synonyms
manufacturing, in which sugar will be added before it
finally
Linking Words
produces ready-to-eat
chocolate
Use synonyms
bars.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
cocoa
Use synonyms
liquor will be pressed in the pressing engine to make
cocoa
Use synonyms
butter and powder for the food industry. Regarding the pie chart, the costs of ingredients and supermarkets receive roughly a third of the price of the total. Ranked in third place are taxes with 15%,
while
Linking Words
the revenue for the
chocolate
Use synonyms
company is just 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the farmer receives no more than 4%.
Submitted by bilqissasha on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chocolate, cocoa with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultivation
  • harvesting
  • extraction
  • fermentation
  • drying
  • roasting
  • grinding
  • chocolate liquor
  • price distribution
  • stakeholders
  • retail price
  • environmental impact
  • social impact
  • deforestation
  • unfair labor practices
  • fair trade
  • organic farming
  • innovations
  • disease-resistant
  • sustainable production
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