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Writing Samples
Band 8

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

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Due to
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 the advancement of transportation and technology, the world is globalised and the number of trade between two or more
countries
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 has been increasing.
This
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 situation results in mixed consequences involving advantages and disadvantages at the same time.
However
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,
iit
Correct your spelling
it
 is considered to be more advantageous with global trading systems. Admittedly, travelling long distances with some
products
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 is damaging the environment.
For example
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, for a consumer in South Korea to buy a bag made in France, factories need to omit gases, which cause air pollution.
Then
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, to deliver the goods to the consumer, shipping is required and seawater is expected to be polluted. During the production and transportation procedures, damaging the Earth is inevitable.
Nevertheless
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, these connections between
countries
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 and continents are essential to make one's life easier and more plentiful. To illustrate
this
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, folks in South Korea can find stationery
products
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 made in Japan. People who want to use good pens do not have to go to Japan to get them and,
as a result
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, it is so comfortable in terms of saving time
as well as
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 money.
Moreover
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, thanks to
this
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 trend, more employment is available, which can eventually develop the economies of several
countries
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 at the same time.
While
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 producing and transporting the
products
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 to other nations, companies are likely to hire workers in the factory and drivers for travelling. With these being said, it is certain that these international connections make one's life affluent. In a nutshell, despite some potential dangers that global trade can cause, more benefits are expected, which are opportunities for some people to use various
products
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 from other
countries
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 and for others to earn a living.
Therefore
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, there are more advantages than downsides to global trade.

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task achievement
In your argument, make sure to accurately weigh both the pros and cons of a topic to ensure a balanced discussion. While you mentioned some disadvantages, their impact was not clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is easy to follow and your ideas are arranged in a logical sequence, but paragraphing can be more effective. Separate your main ideas into individual paragraphs for better readability.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary is generally varied, but try to limit the use of particularly informal language styles ('folks'). Further, be wary of awkward phrasing and maintain the appropriate register.
grammatical range accuracy
Your variety of sentence structures was often well managed, but there were a few sentences that contained errors with prepositions. Make sure to revise and edit your work to ensure linguistic accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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