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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the common activities children of different ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routine.

The graph below gives information about the common activities children of different ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routine.
The bar chart represents
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different
aged
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apply
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children’s bedtime
routine
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routines
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 categorised by activities,
such
Linking Words
 as reading, brushing teeth, having a bath, watching TV, and eating, in the United States.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 pupils of ages 4-5
years
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 and 6-8
years
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 have quite similar tendencies among the named categories,
while
Linking Words
 those who are up to
3-year
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3 years
 old have variable
range
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ranges
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.
Furthermore
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, watching TV and eating seem to be the least popular
between
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among
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 every
ages
Change to a singular noun
age
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. Similarities are observed in the two older groups’ tendencies; 4-5
years
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 old children are more likely to have approximately up to 15% higher percentages of all activities than 6-8
years
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 old ones, with only one exception in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of brushing teeth which shows reverse statistics: 45% of 4-5-year old and 50% of 6-8
% year old
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%-year-old
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. As for the youngest group, 1-
3
Correct your spelling
3-year-old
years
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 old babies, those
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a vast range of activities’ popularity. Starting with the highest one, which is reading ( around 62%), followed by bathtime (40%), brushing teeth (30%), eating (20%) and closing with the lowest one: watching TV (approximately 15%).

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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