Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many argue that high-risk
sports
, including skydiving and rock Use synonyms
climbing
should be prohibited. In my opinion, Add the comma(s)
climbing,
although
Linking Words
this
type of Linking Words
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
have
Change the verb form
has
risk
factor of accidents, Correct article usage
the risk
i
believe it should not be banned because it would take the rights from Change the capitalization
I
people
's freedom to choose sporting activities.
Admittedly, proponents of banning extreme Use synonyms
sports
might argue based on their dangerous nature. Unlike other common Use synonyms
sports
, Use synonyms
people
who participate in these Use synonyms
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
sports
might suffer a higher risk of injuries or even death if unexpected accidents happen. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
according to
research from Harvard University, there are about 50 Linking Words
people
who pass away yearly Use synonyms
as a result
of unfortunate situations in rock climbing sport. On top of that, Linking Words
besides
the unsafety tools and equipment, sometimes nature Linking Words
play
a critical role in extreme Change the verb form
plays
sports
, Use synonyms
therefore
, uncertainty in nature could potentially lead to unlikely events.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, dangerous Linking Words
sports
are popular, especially for Use synonyms
people
who enjoy activities that could Use synonyms
triggers
the adrenaline. Change the verb form
trigger
These kind
of excitement that can be found in extreme Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
sports
has Use synonyms
help
Wrong verb form
helped
people
to relieve their stress, which will improve their life quality considerably. Use synonyms
Hence
, restricting access to dangerous Linking Words
sports
could be seen as paternalistic and infringing upon Use synonyms
individuals
rights to make informed decisions about their own lives. That being said, as long as Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
people
take safety measures seriously when it comes to Use synonyms
these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
sports
, they have to be allowed to engage in these activities.
In summary, Use synonyms
while
there Linking Words
still
some risks associated with dangerous Add a missing verb
are still
sports
, banning it will take away Use synonyms
people
's liberty in choosing their activity preferences. Use synonyms
Therefore
, I agree that extreme Linking Words
sports
should not put Use synonyms
stop
Correct article usage
a stop
to
.Correct pronoun usage
to it
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the sentence structure and grammar to ensure more clarity. Simple errors such as subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this type of sports have risk') need attention to improve accuracy.
Task Response
Consider providing more specific data or a broader array of examples to strengthen your points further. Although you mention research from Harvard University, diversifying examples can enhance credibility.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've presented a clear argument and taken a firm position on the topic, consistently supporting your viewpoint throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
You successfully highlighted different perspectives and acknowledged opposing views, which shows an understanding of the subject.