IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do u agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that numerous citizens in some nations are suffering from health issues
due to
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 their overconsumption of fast
food
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.
This
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 essay believes that imposing a higher tax on
this
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 kind of nourishment would be insane because
people
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 consume it for economic reasons and
also
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 because they lack
time
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 to prepare healthy
food
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. It is conspicuous that
people
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 consume fast
food
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 as they can'
t
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 afford to buy fresh and healthy products. In many countries, sustenance is expensive even for
people
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 who have decent incomes.
Hence
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, a wide portion of the public is clearly compelled to eat
this
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 kind of deterrent
food
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. In
this
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 regard, the government, by imposing a tax on
this
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 type of nourishment, would just worsen the current statement.
For example
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, a recent study published in " Le Matin", a famous Moroccan newspaper, showcased the fact that more than 60% of households in Morocco are financially unable to buy fresh products. The second reason why
this
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 essay disagrees with imposing taxes on fast
food
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 is that citizens don'
t
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 have enough
time
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 to cook nutritional dishes. Indeed, contrary to the previous generation, the majority of females aren'
t
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 housewives.
Therefore
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, it is difficult for them to work outside their homes, in order to support their households and, at the same
time
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, take care of their families' diet.
Furthermore
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, teenagers spend their entire days at school, where they consume harmful
food
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
such
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 as biscuits.
Thus
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, it would be insane for the government to impose taxes on fast
food
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 whilst they set up
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 system that encourages
people
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 to consume it. In conclusion, it wouldn'
t
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 be a sustainable idea to increase taxes on unhealthy nourishment because citizens consume it
due to
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 financial issues,
in addition
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 to the fact that they lack
time
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 to take care of their diet.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your stance more explicitly. Consider rephrasing to 'This essay strongly argues against imposing higher taxes on fast food.'
task achievement
Avoid using colloquial phrases like 'insane.' Instead, consider more formal alternatives such as 'unreasonable' or 'counterproductive.'
coherence and cohesion
In the main body, try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow and focus of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are more balanced in length. The first paragraph is longer and may overwhelm readers while the second is shorter and less developed.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance against the imposition of higher taxes, which is important for task response.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the study from 'Le Matin', reinforce your argument and are relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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