IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, there has been a growing development in online
payment
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 methods for easy and fast
transactions
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.
Therefore
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 many countries are adopting cellphone app
payment
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 methods that are common these days.
This
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 essay will highlight the advantages and disadvantages in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason for promoting
this
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 method is to stop
money
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 laundering and corruption. To elaborate, if all the
transactions
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 are done through an online platform it will help the government to track the
money
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 and it will stop illegal activities.
For example
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, many terror groups use cash methods to do
transactions
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 for their illegal activities that will be stopped.
Hence
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, it will be a good development for the citizens of the country.
Secondly
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, online payments help people to do
transactions
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 easily from all around the world which is safe and secure
therefore
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 many nations have developed their own
secured
Correct word choice
secure
show examples
 channels for transferring
money
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.
For instance
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, India has created the UPI method for doing day-to-day expenses via, Google Pay or the Paytm application. 
On the other hand
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,
due to
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this
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 application
payment
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 method scams are getting at their peak.
Moreover
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, small merchants are getting
trouble
Change preposition
into trouble
show examples
due to
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this
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 type of scam,
some time
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 the customer makes
payment
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 through these apps they make the
payment
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 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clone apps it is exactly the same as the original one but the
transactions
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 are fake. Merchants get notified that the
payment
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 is done but they don't get the
money
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.
For example
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 , In 2021 , India caught the racket that was doing
this
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 type of scam in the country and the estimate was around ten million dollars in illegal
money
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.  In summary, it can be concluded that there are several advantages for states for the development and growth of the nation, forcing the terror group to stop promoting online payments
although
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 it has some disadvantages it can be neglected on top of the positive side.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help create a smoother flow of information.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples provided are fully relevant and clearly support the main points being discussed. Your examples are good, but a bit more specificity and explanation of how they directly relate to your argument would strengthen your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that support your task achievement, such as the UPI method in India.
task achievement
Your response to the task prompt is complete and covers both advantages and disadvantages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
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