IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both the views and state your own opinion.

#money #time
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These days, having a lot of
money
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 and less leisure
time
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 is better than earning less
money
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 and having more free
time
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. So, in
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both sides and give my
won
Correct your spelling
own
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 opinion.
In
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On
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 the one hand,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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, more people have
money
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 a lot but they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not free
time
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,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they are working more than they are
siting
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sitting
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 without
work
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. They need
to
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apply
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money
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 to provide all
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things
Correct article usage
the things
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 that they want. For
exmple
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example
, they can buy any
things
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 they want,
such
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 as clothes and food,
also
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 they can travel, they can study
any
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at any
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universty
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university
 they want.
Thus
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, when they have more
money
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, they can do every
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things
Change to a singular noun
thing
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, and that
make
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makes
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 them busy
of
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with
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themeslves
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themselves
.
On the other hand
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, if they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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few
Correct quantifier usage
little
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money
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 but they have more free
time
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, that will
is
Wrong verb form
be
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a
Change the article
apply
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beneficial for them, because they can spend their
time
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in
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on
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benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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things
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.
For instance
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, they will
work
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 on their
themslves
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themselves
,
as
Change preposition
by
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 improving their skills
of
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in
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luanguag
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language
 and cooking,
also
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 in reading, that will help them to active their mind.
Moreover
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, when they have leisure
time
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, they
work
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 a lot of they have
money
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 ,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 will feel
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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comfortable,
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due to
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because
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 they are busy and
they
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apply
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are working to earn
money
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that free
time
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 is
a
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apply
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good for people who can do
any
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anything
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things
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 that they love, they can
work
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of
Change preposition
on
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themeslves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and improve their abilities
of learning
Change preposition
to learn
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, but when they have
money
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and less free
time
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, they can't do
any
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anything
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things
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, because they depending on
this
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money
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 . they think that no need
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
.
Submitted by Loody on

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coherence cohesion
Start with a clearer introduction, stating that the essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide your opinion. It helps set the stage for the reader.
task achievement
The essay needs further development in the paragraphs to align better with the task requirement. Develop ideas more thoroughly.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points adequately in both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Review the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences could be expressed more clearly, without repetition or awkwardness.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression in your arguments. Connective phrases or sentences can help to improve the logical flow between your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, outlining the task at the beginning and summarizing at the end.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to discuss both viewpoints, which satisfies the main requirement of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
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