IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the number of people who smoked cigarettes in the UK between 2011 and 2021. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. AIDA

The graph below gives information about the number of people who smoked cigarettes in the UK between 2011 and 2021. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. AIDA
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides information on the number of
men
Use synonyms
 and women who smoked cigarettes in the UK between 2011 and 2021.
Overall
Linking Words
,the bar graph illustrates how the number of smoking cigarettes declined in ten years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,males smoked more than females.
However
Linking Words
,they both went down in decades. In 2011, around 3.5
million
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 smoked, compared to roughly 2
million
Use synonyms
 women.
This
Linking Words
 gap remained throughout the entire period. By 2021, the number of male smokers had fallen to just under 2
million
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 female smokers declined to about 1
million
Use synonyms
. The data shows a general downward trend in cigarette consumption for both genders.
Although
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 consistently had higher smoking rates, the decline was noticeable for both
opposite
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
,especially after 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
 , cigarette smoking in the UK decreased significantly between 2011 and 2021, with
men
Use synonyms
 always having higher numbers than women.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: