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Band 5

Many people they spend large part of their free time using smartphones What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #part #time #smartphones #development
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There is no denying the fact that using smartphones plays a significant role for most individuals in their
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss the purposes
for
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of
show examples
this
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 case and
is
Correct word choice
whether is
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 it a negative or positive development.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons that made many
people
Use synonyms
 using smartphones
taled
Verb problem
play
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 a huge part in their free
time
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.
Firstly
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, modern devices
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 much dopamine so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it become crucial for some
people
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 to have that much
of
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apply
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dopamine.
In other words
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, the new platforms
such
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 as social media
provides
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provide
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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short videos that
gives
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give
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quickly
Change the word
quick
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happeness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 that can not be found in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
life
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, smartphones provide another
life
Use synonyms
 called virtual
life
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 which is better than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
life
Use synonyms
 for some
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, having many problems
such
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 as poverty and other social issues led some individuals to escape from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reality.  In terms of
is
Correct word choice
whether is
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 it negative or positive, I believe that it is a negative development for the reason of
time
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 waist. It is possible to say that
instead
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 of smart using their
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
in
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for
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 good things many
people
Use synonyms
 spend it
in
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on
show examples
unnessesary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 videos or apps.
Moreover
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, it reduces
people
Use synonyms
's critical thinking,
while
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over using
Correct your spelling
overusing
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 short videos increases the attraction in
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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 brains which decreases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking.
For instance
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, recent research by the University of Prince Sultan has shown that
people
Use synonyms
's creativity and imagination
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been reduced by 22% over 10 years
due to
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 the increase of using mobile phones. In conclusion, there are many purposes that
made
Wrong verb form
make
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people
Use synonyms
over using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 modern devices in their free
time
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 dopamine and
escaping
Wrong verb form
escape
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
life
Use synonyms
. It is
also
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 true that it is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 development.
Submitted by abdallah550603 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of ideas by organizing them more logically. Ensure each point flows into the next seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Develop the main points further with more specific examples or data to support arguments.
General Writing
Although most of your essay is clear, try to reduce some minor grammatical errors and typos to improve the overall quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing key points.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task adequately, explaining reasons for smartphone use and evaluating the development.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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